by his outburst, they let him go. As he stalked off, Cavendish called after him, "I'd have thought you'd have been going to the funeral, not a lecture. Isn't that what murderers are supposed to do?"
Alex turned around. "What?"
"Didn't they tell you? They're burying Rosie Duff today."
Alex stormed up the street, shaking with anger. He'd been scared, he had to admit. For a moment there, he'd been scared. He couldn't believe Cavendish had taunted him about Rosie's funeral. Nor could he credit the fact that nobody had told them it was today. Not that he would have wanted to go. But it would have been nice to have been warned.
He wondered how the others were faring and wished yet again that Ziggy had kept his smart mouth shut.
Ziggy walked in to an anatomy class and was immediately greeted with cries of, "Here comes the body snatcher."
He threw his hands up, acknowledging the good-natured ribbing from his fellow medics. If anybody was going to find the black humor in Rosie's death, it would be them. "What's wrong with the cadavers they give us to practice on?" one shouted across the room.
"Too old and ugly for Ziggy," came the reply from another. "He had to go out and get some quality meat for himself."
"All right, leave it out," Ziggy said. "You're just jealous that I got to go into practice before any of the rest of you."
A handful of his colleagues gathered around him. "What was it like, Ziggy? We hear she was still alive when you found her. Were you scared?"
"Yeah. I was scared. But I was more frustrated because I couldn't keep her alive."
"Hey, man, you did your best," one reassured him.
"It was a pretty crap best. We spend years cramming our heads with knowledge, but, faced with the real thing, I didn't know where to start. Any ambulance driver would have had a better chance of saving Rosie's life than I did." Ziggy shrugged out of his coat and dropped it over a chair. "I felt useless. It made me realize that you don't start becoming a doctor till you get out there and start treating living, breathing patients."
A voice behind them said, "That's a very valuable lesson to have learned, Mr. Malkiewicz." Unnoticed, their tutor had walked in on the conversation. "I know it's no consolation, but the police surgeon told me that she was beyond saving by the time you found her. She'd lost far too much blood." He clapped Ziggy on the shoulder. "We can't work miracles, I'm afraid. Now, gentlemen and ladies, let's all settle down. We've got important work to get through this term."
Ziggy went to his place, his head somewhere else altogether. He could feel the blood slick on his hands, the feeble, irregular heartbeat, the chill of her flesh. He could hear her failing breath. He could taste the coppery taint on his tongue. He wondered if he could ever get past that. He wondered if he could ever become a doctor, knowing that failure would always be the ultimate outcome of his actions.
A couple of miles away, Rosie's family were preparing to lay their daughter to rest. The police had released the body at last, and the Duffs could take the first formal step on the long journey of grieving. Eileen straightened her hat in the mirror, oblivious to the pinched, raw look of her face. She couldn't be bothered with makeup these days. What was the point? Her eyes were dull and heavy. The pills the doctor had given her didn't take the pain away; they simply moved it out of her immediate reach, turning it into something she contemplated rather than experienced.
Archie stood at the window, waiting for the hearse. Strathkinness Parish Church was only a couple of hundred yards away. They'd decided the family would walk behind the coffin, keeping Rosie company on her last journey. His broad shoulders drooped. He had become an old man in the previous few weeks, an old man who had lost the will to engage with the world.
Brian and Colin, spruced as nobody had ever seen them before, were in the scullery, bracing themselves with a whiskey. "I hope the four of them have the good sense to stay away," Colin said.
"Let them come. I'm ready for them," Brian said, his handsome face set in dourness.
"Not today. For fuck's sake, Brian. Have some dignity, will you?" Colin drained his glass and slammed it down on the draining board.