She helped him to his feet, trying to avoid touching the damp spots on his shirt. Charlie did a controlled fall toward the couch. Lily helped him land, ending with one arm pinned awkwardly under his back.
"Thanks," Charlie said. There was still frost in his hair and eyelashes from the fire extinguisher.
"Asher," Lily said, trying not to look him in the eye. "I'm not comfortable with this, but I think, given the situation, that it's time I said something."
"Okay, Lily. You want some coffee?"
"No. Please shut up. Thank you." She paused and took a deep breath, but did not extricate her arm from behind Charlie's back. "You have been good to me over the years, and although I would not admit this to anyone else, I probably wouldn't have finished school or turned out as well as I have if it hadn't been for your influence."
Charlie was still trying to see, blinking away ice crystals on his eyelids, thinking that maybe his eyeballs were frostbitten. "It was nothing," he said.
"Please, please, shut up," Lily said. Another deep breath. "You have always been decent to me, despite what I would call some of my bitchier moments, and in spite of the fact that you are some dark death dude, and probably had other things to worry about - sorry about your mom, by the way."
"Thanks," Charlie said.
"Well, given what I've heard about your night out before your mom died and whatnot, and what I've seen here today, I think - that it's only right - that I do you."
"Do me?"
"Yes," she said, "for the greater good, even though you are a complete tool."
Charlie squirmed away from her on the couch. He looked at her for a second, trying to figure out if she was putting him on, then, deciding that she wasn't, he said, "That's very sweet of you, Lily, and - "
"Nothing weird, Asher. You need to understand that I'm only doing this out of basic human decency and pity. You can just take it to the hoes on Broadway if you need to get your freak on."
"Lily, I don't know what - "
"And not in the butt," Lily added.
There was a high-pitched little-girl giggle from behind the couch. "Hi, Daddy," Sophie said, popping up behind him. "I missed you."
Charlie swung her up over the back of the couch and gave her a big kiss. "I missed you, too, sweetie."
Sophie pushed him away. "How come you have frosting on your hair?"
"Oh, that - Lily had to spray some frost on Alvin and Mohammed to settle them down and it got on me."
"They missed you, too."
"I could tell," Charlie said. "Honey, could you go play in your room for a bit while I talk to Lily about business?"
"Where are the puppies?" Sophie asked.
"They're having a T.O. in Daddy's room. Can you go play and we'll have some Cheese Newts in a little while?"
"Okay," Sophie said, sliding to the floor. "Bye, Lily." She waved to Lily.
"Bye, Sophie," Lily said, looking even more pale than usual.
Sophie marched away in rhythm to her new chant, "Not in the butt - not in the butt - not in the butt."
Charlie turned to face Lily. "Well, that ought to liven up Mrs. Magnussen's first-grade class."
"Sure, it's embarrassing now," Lily said, without missing a beat, "but someday she'll thank me."
Charlie tried to look at his shirt buttons as if he were deep in thought, but instead started to giggle, tried to stop, and ended up snorting a little. "Jeez, Lily, you're like a little sister to me, I could never - "
"Oh, fine. I offer you a gift, out of the goodness of my heart, and you - "
"Coffee, Lily," Charlie said with a sigh. "Could I just get you to make me a cup of coffee instead of doing me - and sit and talk to me while I drink it? You're the only one who knows what's going on with Sophie and me, and I need to try to sort things out."
"Well, that will probably take longer than doing you," Lily said, looking at her watch. "Let me call down to the store and tell Ray that I'll be a while."
"That would be great," Charlie said.
"I was only going to do you in exchange for information about your Death Merchant thing, anyway," Lily said, picking up the phone on the breakfast bar.
Charlie sighed again. "That's what I need to sort out."
"Either way," Lily said, "I'm unbending on the butt