his hands up and down in the air like he was drawing a curtain of deception before him, or possibly clearing spiderwebs out of the room.
"These are not the droids you seek," Charlie said, grinning.
"What?"
"You don't have Jedi powers, you git. Just take the necklace."
"I don't understand."
"Come with me," Charlie said. "It's time for my sister to watch her anyway." He led the little guy out of his mother's room into the living room. They stood by the front window, looking at the sun coming up and casting shadows of the broken teeth of the red rock mountains around them. "What's your name?"
"Vern. Vern Glover."
"I'm Charlie. Nice to meet you. How long does she have, Vern?"
"What do you mean?"
"How long on your calendar. How many days were left?"
"How do you know about that?"
"I told you. I do what you do. I can see you. I can see that necklace glowing red. I know what you are."
"But you can't. The Great Big Book says that horrible Forces of Darkness will rise if I talk to you."
"See this cut over my ear, Vern?"
Vern nodded.
"Forces of Darkness. Fuck 'em. Fuck the Forces of Darkness, Vern. How long does my mother have?"
"It's your mother? I'm sorry, Charlie. She has two more days."
"Okay," Charlie said, nodding. "Then we'd better go get a doughnut."
"Pardon?"
"Doughnut! Doughnut! You like doughnuts, don't you?"
"Yes, but why?"
"Because the continuance of human existence as we know it depends on us having doughnuts together."
"Really?" Vern's eyes went wide.
"No, not really. I'm just fucking with you." Charlie put his arm around Vern's shoulder. "But let's go get one anyway. I'll wake my sister for her watch."
Charlie called home from his mobile phone to check on Sophie. Then, satisfied she was safe, he returned to the booth at Dunkin' Donuts, where Vern and a cruller were waiting for him. Vern had taken off his stocking cap and had a wild mop of silver gray hair over large, aviator-frame glasses that made him look like a tan and wiry mad scientist.
"So like she was really hot?"
"Vern, you wouldn't believe. I'm telling you, body of a goddess. Covered with really fine feathers, soft as down." Charlie innately recognized another Beta Male like he recognized another Death Merchant, so he nearly stumbled over himself to tell the story of his adventure with the sexy sewer harpy, knowing he had a sympathetic audience.
"But she was going to put her claw through your brain, right?"
"Yeah, she said she was, but you know something, I think there was some chemistry there."
"You don't think it was just that she had your crank in her hand at the time, because that can cloud a guy's judgment."
"Yeah, there's that, but still, you have to think, of all the Death Merchants in all of the cities on the planet, she chose me to share the death wank. I think she had a thing for me."
"Well, you're in the City of Two Bridges," said Vern, brushing a little maple glaze from the corner of his mouth. "That's where it's supposed to happen."
"Where what's supposed to happen?" Charlie had really enjoyed being the senior Death Merchant, acting as the elder statesman to Vern, who had been called to recruit souls only six months ago. Now he was thrown.
"In The Great Big Book of Death, it says that we can't talk about what we do, or try to find each other, or the Forces of Darkness will rise up in the City of Two Bridges and there will be a horrible battle and the Underworld will rise and cover the land if we lose. You guys have two bridges in San Francisco, right?"
Charlie tried to hide his surprise. Vern had obviously gotten a different version of the Great Big Book than they got in San Francisco. "Well, two main ones, yes. Sorry, it's been a long time since I read the book. Remind me why the City of Two Bridges is so important?"
Vern gave Charlie the big "duh" look. "Because that is where the new Luminatus, the Great Death, will take power."
"Oh yeah, of course, the Luminatus." Charlie thumped himself in the side of the head. He had no idea what Vern was talking about.
"You think that they won't need us anymore, after the Great Death takes power?" Vern asked. "I mean, will there be layoffs? Because the Big Book makes it sound like the Luminatus rising is a good thing, but I've been making a ton of money since I got this gig."