"Repairs?" Charlie tried. How could Rivera see him when he was in soul-vessel-retrieval mode?
"I'm sorry, but I don't believe you, Mr. Asher. You're going to have to drop the cinder block."
"I'd rather not. It was really hard getting it up here."
"Be that as it may, I'm going to have to insist that you drop it."
"I was planning on it, but then you showed up."
"Please. Indulge me. Look, you're sweating. Climb down and you can sit in my air-conditioned car with me. We'll chat - talk about Italian suits, the Giants - I don't know - why you were about to brain that sweet old lady with a cinder block. Air-conditioning, Mr. Asher - won't that be nice?"
Charlie brought the cinder block down and rested it on his thigh, feeling his trousers snagging beyond repair as he did so. "That's not much of an incentive. What am I, some primitive Amazon native? I've had air-conditioning before. I have air-conditioning in my own van."
"Yes, I'll admit it's not exactly a weekend in Paris, but the next choice was that I shoot you off the roof, and they put you in a body bag, which is going to be sweltering on a warm day like this."
"Oh, well, yes," Charlie said. "That does make air-conditioning sound a lot more inviting. Thanks. I'm going to toss my brick down first, if that's okay?"
"That would be great, Mr. Asher."
Disillusioned with DesperateFilipinas, Ray was browsing through the selection of lonely first-grade teachers with master's degrees in nuclear physics on when she came through the door. He heard the bell and caught her out of the corner of his eye, and forgetting that his neck vertebrae were fused, he sprained the left side of his face trying to turn to see her.
She saw him looking and smiled.
Ray smiled back, then, out of the corner of his eye, saw the monitor with the photo of the first-grade teacher holding her breasts, and sprained the right side of his face trying to turn in time to punch the power button before she passed the counter.
"Just browsing," said the love of his life. "How are you today?"
"Hi," Ray said. In his mental rehearsals, he started with "hi," and it just sort of burped out of him before he realized that it put him behind a beat. "I mean, fine. Sorry. I was working."
"I can see that." Again the smile.
She was so understanding, forgiving - and kind, you could just tell that by her eyes. He knew in his heart that he would even sit through a hat movie for this woman. He would watch A Room with a View AND The English Patient, back-to-back, just to share a pizza with her. And she would stop him from eating his service revolver halfway through the second movie, because that's just how she was: compassionate.
She made a show of browsing the store, but two minutes hadn't passed before she made for Charlie's special shelf. Even the sign said SPECIAL ITEMS - ONE PER CUSTOMER, but it didn't say if that was a per-day policy, or one per lifetime. Charlie hadn't really specified, now that Ray thought about it. Sure, Lily had yammered on about how important it was that they adhere to the policy, but that was Lily, she might have grown up some, but she was still disturbed.
After a short time she picked up an electric alarm clock and brought it over to the counter. This was it. This was it. Ray heard the back door open.
"Will this be everything?" he said.
"Yes," said the future Mrs. Ray Macy. "I've been looking for one like this."
"Yep, you can't beat a Sunbeam," Ray said. "That's two-sixteen with tax - aw, heck, call it two even."
"That's very nice of you," she said, digging into a small purse woven from colorful Guatemalan cotton thread.
"Hi, Ray," Lily said, suddenly standing there beside him like some evil phantom who appeared out of nowhere to leech every potentially joyous moment out of his life.
"Hi, Lily," he said.
Lily clicked some keys on the computer. Slowed down by his freshly sprained face, Ray wasn't able to turn before she'd hit the power button on the monitor.
"What's this?" asked Lily.
With his free hand, Ray thumped Lily in the thigh under the counter.
"Ouch! Freak!"
"I'm sure you'll enjoy waking up with that," Ray said, handing the alarm clock to the woman who would be his queen.
"Thank you so much," said the lovely brunette goddess of all things Ray.