Dirty Deals by Nicole James Page 0,61
corners of my mouth with his thumbs. “One way you can repay me.”
“What’s that?”
“Stay with me. Build a life with me. What do you say, Hot Rod?”
I smile. “Just try and get rid of me, handsome.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Ashlynn—
I’m in Rusty’s bed at the clubhouse, cuddled to his side.
I’d tried asking about what he’d done with the bodies at the farmhouse, but he refused to tell me anything more than that it was handled, and I wasn’t to think about it ever again.
It’s pouring rain outside, and I can hear it on the metal roof. Rusty’s awake and staring at that ceiling, the tips of his fingers trailing up and down my spine.
“I’m no saint, Ashlynn,” he murmurs quietly.
I lift my head to look at his face, and he turns to meet my gaze. “I don’t want a saint.”
“I’m serious, babe. I want you to know what you’re getting. I’ve done shit I’m not proud of, I’ve done a lot of shit I’m not proud of, especially back before I took over the club.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’m tryin’ not to be that man. Used to be I did shit like that, I buried it deep, so deep it’d never see the light of day again. Funny thing, no matter how much booze and drugs you try to bury it under, that shit always finds its way to the surface. Ain’t no escaping it. And someday I’ll have to answer for it.”
“Ask for forgiveness,” I suggest.
He smiles. “Ain’t that easy, baby.”
“If you really mean to live a better life, to be a better man…”
“I want to be that guy for you, because you deserve that guy. But I can’t promise you that’s who I am or who I’ll ever be. But you make me want to try.”
“What are you trying to say?”
He looks at the ceiling again. “Guess I’m afraid you won’t stick by me if I never become more than I am right now. I’m afraid I’ll do something, and you’ll up and leave.”
“It’s a hard promise for me to make, Rusty. Running’s become so engrained in me, never staying in one place too long. But for you, I’ll try.”
“You have a problem, talk to me, we’ll work through it. I promise I’ll listen. I promise I’ll hold you through the tears. I promise if it’s in my power, I’ll give you anything you want.” He pauses and tilts my chin up to meet his eyes. “I can’t promise I’ll always do the right thing, but I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I’ll never be callous of your feelings. And I’ll never give up on us. That gonna be enough for you?”
“Yes. Except for one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means no other women. I can’t bear to think of you with someone else. I know me, and I know I’d have to pay you back in kind. Then where would we be?”
“Feeling’s mutual. The thought of you with another man guts me. So I’m not about to fuck up what we have by hurting you that way.”
Rusty rolls on top of me and frames my face with his hands, his thumbs gently brushing along my cheekbones. His eyes move over my face like I’m the most precious thing in the world. He dips his head and softly brushes a kiss to my lips. Pulling back slightly, he searches my eyes and whispers, “I love you, Hot Rod. Not gonna fuck this up.”
I smile as I hear those words I’ve waited to hear, and I watch his eyes crinkle with his responding smile. “I love you, too, Rusty.”
He puts a knee between my thighs and spreads my legs, then sinks into me.
I run my hands up his chest and cup his corded neck as I wrap my legs around him, taking him deep. A hiss of pleasure escapes his lips.
“I don’t want to ever be apart. I know you’re afraid I’ll run, but I’m terrified you’ll be the one to walk away,” I whisper.
“I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Promise.” He kisses the tip of my nose, then my forehead, and then my mouth as he thrusts slowly, his back arching with his movements.
He makes slow, sweet love to me, worshiping me, letting me know with his body how he feels about me, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Afterwards, as I cuddle against him again, and as sated as I am, I can’t help the niggling feeling that I won’t live easy until I