to swallow him down before his mouth was on mine. Dirty bad wrong, they called him, and they weren’t lying. Not one fucking bit. I smiled as he licked up my tears, his reward, no doubt, just like Rebecca had warned me. He flicked his tongue across my eyes, digging for every last trace, and then he held me tight, my head against his chest where I could feel his heartbeat booming loud.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, Lydia,” he whispered. “So fucking proud. I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.”
I sighed against him, floating on endorphins, smiling to myself as I realised he’d used my real name.
***
“So, what brings you around these parts?” I handed Steph her cappuccino, sliding into the seat opposite.
“I came to see you, of course,” she said. “I hardly hear a peep from you these days.”
“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve been really busy at work.”
“You look different. I guess this is her influence?” Steph rolled her eyes at me, unimpressed. I looked down at my outfit, not quite sure of what she was referring to. “The dark clothes, the eyeliner, the crazy choker... you look like some kind of goth, Lyddie.”
I couldn’t resist laughing. “Seriously? You think this is goth? You haven’t been out in Camden. It’s just a black blouse and some eyeliner, chill your beans.”
“You can come back to mine you know, if things are too weird there.”
“Things aren’t weird,” I smiled. “Things are good.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Good?”
“Very good,” I beamed.
“Good like, a man good?!”
I sipped my espresso, trying to rein it in. I’d been doing so bloody well, keeping a business-as-usual face at the office for days on end, acting like James Clarke was nobody in particular and it didn’t give me goose-pimples to stand within fifty yards of him. I deserved one little outburst, surely? “Maybe man good, yeah.”
“Bleeding hell, Lyddie, you kept that you to yourself.”
“It’s early days, totally casual,” I said. “No big deal.”
“Whatever, missy, you’re grinning like a lunatic. Is it suit man? Washisname? James, big CTO boss guy?”
I looked around, paranoid about colleagues since we were just a stone’s throw from the office. “He’s not my boss, not really.”
“So, it is him,” she grinned. “I’m assuming he doesn’t have heads in his fridge, then?”
“I haven’t seen his fridge, but the signs are good.” If only she knew.
“I’m happy for you, honest I am.” She stared into her coffee, an uncharacteristic quietness taking hold.
“But?” I added for her. “What did you really come here for?” I folded my arms, waiting.
“Well, your news kind of makes mine redundant, but I figure I’ll tell you anyway,” she said. “It’s about Stuart.”
My stomach knotted, his name an unwelcome sound. “What about Stuart?”
She sighed. “He’s been round, a lot, desperate to see you.”
“So? Shouldn’t he be at home with the mother-to-be? Tell him to get stuffed.”
“That’s the thing... she isn’t there. He isn’t even sure the baby is his, she admitted as much to him. Seems he isn’t the only contender for biological father status.”
My blood froze in my veins. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because he misses you, Lyddie. Honest, he does. He was round every night until we finally let him in, now he hardly leaves, just spends his time moping over you.”
“He needs to move on, I have.”
“Have you, really? It’s only been weeks.”
“Months. It’s been months,” I snapped.
“Barely.”
“What happened to he’s a motherfucking jerk? He cheated on me, remember?”
“I know he did! But he feels awful for it, Lyds, I promise you. He was a jerk, an absolute jerk, but he knows that. He’s desperate to make it up, hun, he really loves you.”
“Love doesn’t do that, it doesn’t sleep around in an alleyway at a work conference.”
“I can’t argue with that, but I promise you, the guy’s crazy about you. Maybe it was just a stupid mistake?”
“Have you heard yourself?” I spat. “Maybe it was just a stupid mistake? He fucked some little slut and got her pregnant...”
“Maybe.”
“Oh, piss off, Steph, of course he did. It’s totally over.”
She looked crestfallen, and it annoyed the shit out of me. “Ok, I’m sorry. I thought I’d try. You two were good together.”
“We weren’t good together. Honestly, my eyes have been well and truly opened. I’ve never been happier.”
She broke the tension with a smile. “And this is because of suit man, is it? This spring in your step?”
“He’s part of it. A small part of it.”
“Or all of it,” she let out a low laugh. “I never saw this