thanks and lit up with her, staring at the way her mouth moved. Her eyes were on me, taking me all in, but there wasn’t anything judgey about it, no challenge.
“How long you been painting, kid?”
My mouth was moving before I even noticed. “Long time. Met this guy, Jimmy, when I was a littlun. He used to paint, on the street. Loved his stuff, would follow him everywhere, watching. Was probably a pain in the pissing arse.” I grinned. “Let me have a go once and that was it, like. Fucking hooked.”
“Nothing like the zone, is there? Finding your groove and letting the muse steal you away.”
“Only thing that makes me feel right.” I looked away, feeling stupid. Like I’d said too much.
She took a step closer. “I get it, kid. Art was my only thing too, for a long time. Only thing that felt like it had soul. World was so bloody dark, but it didn’t matter, not with a paintbrush in my hand. It was like bleeding my pain onto the canvas, you know? A purge.”
My heart started pumping, mouth clammy. “Yeah. Just like that.”
“You have a gift. You see what other people don’t, the rhythm behind the grey, the colour in the dark. You take what’s in here.” She put her finger on my heart. “And you put it out there, for the world. Your mark in time. The stamp of your soul. That’s why you’re here.”
“People say it’s mindless shit. Scrub it off as soon as they get to it.”
“People are ignorant fucks. Gotta find your own kind, baby, or you’re a ship lost at sea.”
“Mainly found arseholes and backstabbers and liars so far. Well, and my dog, Casey.”
“You’ve been looking in the wrong place, kid. I know East Veil. Well, I know places like it. Grew up in Croydon, the Kenny Estate. Heard of it?”
I had heard of it, gangland central. Ain’t even the Stoneys that’d venture round that place. “Aye. Heard enough.”
“Not the best environment for a lonely teenage freak who didn’t know her place in the world. Had some scuffles, but I came out the other side.”
“How?” I knew I was staring, but I couldn’t stop. Most people flinch when I stare like that, look away, but not Raven. She stared me right back.
“Lucky break. Got involved in youth art, met a guy with a gallery in the city, he liked my stuff. Coached me on, gave me a leg up and I never looked back.” She took a long drag, and blew out a perfect smoke ring. “I met my girlfriend, Jaz, a few years later and she got me into the tattooing. Another lucky break. Still friends now, owe her a lot.”
“I ain’t never been lucky. Could jump into a well of gold and come up holding some other fucker’s shit.”
“Think your luck might just be changing, kid.” She squeezed my wrist again, and it felt nice. “Missy’s a good girl. Loyal, and smart, and kind. Kinky as fuck, but that’s par for the course with us lot.” Her laugh was like a cackle. It suited her really fucking well. “You’ll get used to it, this place. If you’re planning on sticking around, I mean. Give us a shot, and we’ll give you one right back. We’re a good crowd.”
“Dunno what I’m doing,” I admitted. “Feel like a fucking idiot messing around with all them whips and shit. Don’t get me wrong, I like it hard. Like playing rough. It’s in my blood. Just don’t know how to put it together, don’t wanna fuck her up, neither.”
“There’s violence and there’s violence, baby. Depends on the motivation.” She stubbed out her cigarette and offered me another. I took it, grateful. “What we do here isn’t temper, or rage, or violence taken too far. BDSM is sexuality without judgement. We play safe, sane and totally consensual. We look out for each other, too.”
I scuffed my trainers on the ground. “Sophie told you about me? I ain’t like other people. Bad blood, Mam says. Got a short fuse, and used to using me fists before me brain. Kept me alive. Don’t know what someone like Sophie’s seeing in someone like me.”
“She sees soul in you, baby. I see it too.”
“See something in her. Never met anyone like her before.” I looked away. “Ain’t much of a talker usually. Dunno why me mouth’s suddenly running.”
“Talking’s good, enjoy it.” She looked back towards the door. “Say, maybe I’ll have to take a trip down East Veil