Die for Me (Killing Eve #3) - Luke Jennings Page 0,56
bitch, sweetie, but you’re a murderer too. Twice over.”
“Well, yeah, OK, but both of those were…”
“Were?”
“You know perfectly well. I had no choice.”
“And I did? You really think I could say no, sorry, Konstantin, I can’t carry out your contract. I’ve got a hairdressing appointment at Carita in the morning, then lunch at Arpège, and in the afternoon I was planning to hack into Eve Polastri’s email, masturbate, and eat a box of Fauchon marrons glacés.”
“You did that?”
“What, eat a whole box of marrons glacés at one go?”
“Hack into my email and masturbate?”
“I tried. But it wasn’t interesting. No sexy messages. No nude selfies.”
“Why would I take nude selfies?”
“For me to find, obviously. I wasn’t going to finger myself over your bank statements. But back to you, pupsik. You’re so many things. You’re an ex-spy, although if we’re being honest not a great one. You’re Niko the asshole’s ex-wife. You’re my current lover.”
“Current?”
“Yes. Means right now.”
“I know what it means. I speak English. It’s just a bit… Couldn’t you just say you’re my lover?”
She nips my cheek with her teeth. “I’m teasing you. But yeah. You’re clever, a bit nerdy, and quite needy. You’re a scaredy-cat but also weirdly brave. You’re sexy and adorable in bed and you’re a really, really terrible cook.”
“How do you know?”
“I’ve seen inside your fridge. It was tragic.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes, you have zero fashion sense.”
“Thanks.”
“The point I’m making is this. That if I took all these things away from you, if I peeled it all away, layer by layer, there’d still be you. Underneath everything, there’s Eve. And you know that about yourself, you know exactly who you are. But I don’t have that. If I take away everything I’ve done, and all the people I’ve been, or pretended to be—all the layers—there’s nothing. No Villanelle, no Oxana, no self at all, just a…” She’s silent for a moment. “Did you see that film, The Invisible Man? You couldn’t see him, but you could see the effect he had on the things and the people around him. That’s how I feel. The only reason I know that there’s a me, an Oxana, is that I see the trail she leaves. I see the fear and the horror in people’s eyes, and that tells me that she exists—that I exist. Konstantin understood this perfectly. He knew that I needed to make the world echo with my presence.”
“And this made you feel powerful?”
“It made me feel alive. Those kills that I carried out for Konstantin were beautiful. Perfectly planned, perfectly executed. Fucking works of art, to be honest.”
“And you want one more hit of that drug before you walk away? One more smack rush? One last high?”
“Maybe I do.”
“But can’t you see? If that’s what it takes to make you feel alive, you’ll never walk away. There’ll be one more kill, and then one more, and one more after that. Until someone kills you.”
“I’ll walk away, trust me.”
“Why would you?”
“Because killing for the Twelve is not the only thing that makes me feel alive. Not anymore.”
“What else does?”
“You, pupsik. You do. You look at me with such tenderness, and such love. For the first time since I was a child, since that visit to the Kungur ice caves, I feel seen. I feel that there’s someone there, underneath all the bullshit. A real Oxana. A real me.”
“But my loving you is obviously not enough, since you still want one last kill.”
She shrugs. “If it’s some real high-end evil motherfucker I wouldn’t want the job to go to anyone else.”
“Supposing it’s someone not evil at all? Supposing it’s a woman?”
“I’ve never killed a woman.”
“That’s very sisterly of you.”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t, I just said I hadn’t.”
“Truth is, we don’t have any choice about any of this. When the time comes they’re going to deliver us to our firing points, and we’re just going to have to do it or get killed. If I try to get a word to Tikhomirov, at least we’ve got a chance.”
“What would you tell him? We don’t know anything useful. No who, no where, no when, no why.”
“You’re right, we don’t. All we know is the range. And that’s not much help.”
“Do you think Nobby and Ginge know the target?”
“They don’t need to, so no, I don’t. They’re just old army mates of Anton’s. And I doubt he knew, either.”
“It’ll be very soon.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I know how the Twelve work. Everything’s arranged so you’re not left hanging around. You’re given