Devilish Page 0,84
Arradale.
A different world. A world where she had, as he'd pointed out, been playing games.
How could the world change so utterly in a few short days?
With a sigh, she sat at the elegant desk to write to her mother and Rosa. She had to give some account of the attack on the road before word reached them, and assure them she was well.
The letter to her mother was easy, but the second troubled her. Rosa had been her confidante for most of her life, her dearest friend, her companion in mischief, and guardian of secrets. Rosa had a different personality, too, and her practical opinions had often been useful. She longed to relate everything and hope for wisdom in return, but she wouldn't put it past the king and queen to read her letters.
She imagined what she would say if Rosa was here. "I'm determined to marry Bey, to make it possible for him to marry me."
"How?"
Trust Rosa to move straight to the point. "I don't know. That's for later. For now, I have to prevent the king and queen trying to arrange my marriage. What should I do if they pick a husband for me?"
"Refuse?"
"It's not that easy, Rosa. It would give great offense. And there is the threat of the madhouse. I'd have to accept Bey's rescue, then."
"Marry him? In name only? I don't think you can do that, Diana."
"I know, I know. But if it came to that point, what else could I do? Marry some oaf picked out by the king? I think not, and Bey would never allow it. Anyway, would it be so terrible? We'd at least have each other's company."
"You'd live the rest of your life like a starving woman at a forbidden feast!"
"There would be many dishes I could taste. His company, his conversation, our shared interests. Oh, Rosa. I know what you meant about Brand, now. I thought you demented to put such weight on the fact that you could talk about farming with him, but it is wonderful to have shared interests. To really talk. The time in the coach was magical and we hardly touched."
"But the forbidden would be always there, desperately desirable but never to be tasted. It would drive you mad."
"You say that because you have the feast in full. Without him I will starve. Starve to death."
"Too extreme, Diana."
"I feel extreme. I rage against the barriers that stand between us!"
"And what are those barriers?"
Diana sighed. "His will. His purpose," she admitted.
"You want to break his will? Turn him from his well-considered purpose?"
Yes, thought Diana, unable to put that confession into even imaginary words. It was a terrible thing to contemplate.
To the imaginary Rosa, she argued, "It is the only way."
"It could destroy you both."
Diana looked down and realized that while running that imaginary conversation through her head, she'd dipped her pen and written "Bey," a half dozen times, then ornamented the cluster of words with ruffled sweet peas.
Love. She'd always thought of love as hearts and flowers, as spring blossoms and blushing smiles. Not this spiny, starving hunger, this feeling of being stranded in rags on a bleak winter moor, and being willing to do anything, anything, to return to the sun.
She dipped the pen and scribbled all over her betraying marks. She was clear in her purpose now at least - to shatter the iron will of the man she loved.
May God have mercy on them both.
Rothgar accompanied the king to his rooms, almost stunned by Diana's last comments. He had faced seemingly impossible tasks before and proved his motto correct. He'd even taken the notorious Chastity Ware and restored her virtue so she could be received at court and marry Cyn without problem. There was always a way.
But here he faced no external barrier, only his own resolve. To alter that with honor was as impossible as flight, ancient Daedalus be damned. Such flight was impossible, anyway. He'd witnessed an attempt to recreate Daedalus's achievement, and it had been clear that no man had the strength to flap wings large enough to carry him.
Some things were impossible despite all human effort.
As the king was disrobed by his attendants, Rothgar tried to find his familiar cool mind, but awareness of Diana's needs and pain rocked him. He could starve himself, but he had not prepared for the agony of starving her -
"My lord."
Rothgar found the king staring at him. "So lost in thought, my lord?" George said as a valet assisted him into a