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words to penetrate his brother's damnably guarded and complex mind. He leaped to his feet.
"You are not a machine, dammit! Nor are other people. Nor is the world." He leaned forward on the workbench across from Bey's startled eyes. "Infallibility is not possible. Security is not possible. Life is risk. I died a thousand deaths when Portia was having the baby. Hours and hours, and sometimes I heard her cry out. I promised there'd be no more. She laughed."
He turned away, but went on with what he had to say. "I held out for a while, doing my best not to get her with child, but she said what I'm saying to you. Life is risk."
He turned back, but his brother was looking down now, trying to escape. Was he having some effect?
"In fact, the risk isn't too great for her. Despite her size, she gave birth easily with no damage. It wasn't even a long travail, though it seemed days to me. The horror was in my mind. And the arrogance, thinking I could play God and avoid life. She wants more children. I want more children, and more than that, I want to give her what she wants."
Bey suddenly covered his face with his hands, but Bryght went on. "Yes, your mother went mad, but would you feel this way if she'd gone quietly mad and sat in a secluded room talking to the walls?" He leaned forward over the workbench and gripped one of his brother's rigid wrists. "You're still running from the murder, Bey. Trying to make it not be true."
He didn't know if that was complete nonsense. It had come from somewhere deep inside without thought at all.
Bey's knuckles went white as he clutched at his head. "You are offering me what I want." He relaxed his hands and looked up. "What you want, in fact."
"You won't get out of it that way. Yes, I want you to marry and have children. But I want life for you. Because, Bey, I love you." It was something he'd never said before, and he sat suddenly on the chair on his side of the bench.
"We all know what you've done for us," he said, "and what it's cost you at times. We all want life for you now."
Suddenly other strange words popped into his head and he threw them down before he lost the nerve. "We want you to have your just reward. All your life you've paid the debt to little Edith, but she joins us in wanting you to be happy. In knowing you deserve happiness."
He felt himself blushing under his brother's astonished gaze. What a load of sentimental blabber!
But Bey stood and turned away. "I need to think, Bryght."
"You do too much thinking!"
When his brother made no response, he knew he'd gone as far as he could. With one last worried look, he left the room. He closed the door, and stood there, wondering if there was more he could say or do, whether he should go back.
Then a bird began to sing, and a drum began to beat.
He was playing with the damned automaton again.
By evening, Diana had still not seen Bey, but she wasn't alone in that. Elf hadn't either, and she complained - imperfectly hiding concern - of all the last-minute details she'd had to settle for the masquerade.
She'd arrived in Diana's room, already in a delightful wasp costume. "There's even a troop from the King's Theater who are to perform a masque under Mr. Bach. They seem to know what they are supposed to do, so I left them to rehearse." She looked at the costume laid across the bed. "Diana? How perfect."
"Where is he?" Diana asked. At the moment she was only in her shift. If he wasn't going to attend the masquerade, neither was she. "Does he often do this?"
"Never," admitted Elf with a shrug. "But that's hopeful. If he was his usual impervious self I wouldn't be at all sanguine."
Diana had broken down and told Elf all, which was a huge relief, even though Elf hadn't been able to assure her that Bey would see reason. She twisted her hands together. "He wouldn't... wouldn't kill himself, would he?"
"No!" exclaimed Elf, though she turned pale. "No, truly, he wouldn't. It would go against all he believes."
"So would marrying me, apparently. I received a note from him. The king gives me permission to return north tomorrow, unwed."
"Oh no!" Elf took Diana's hand and dragged her to the sofa, then