Devil in Disguise (The Ravenels #7) - Lisa Kleypas Page 0,80
only held her, opened his mouth to say something, snapped it shut, and tried again. “Why would I give a damn if you’re barren?” he burst out. “Who do you think you’re bluidy talking to? My parents loved me as much as they would a blood-born son. They took no less pride in me for all that I was brought to them a bastard. From the moment they took me in, I was theirs, and they were mine. Are you saying that wasn’t real? That we were no’ a true family?”
“No, I would never say that. You know I wouldn’t! But most men want sons to carry on the family name and bloodline.”
“I’m no’ one of them,” Keir snapped.
He wasn’t shouting, precisely, but his intensity unnerved Merritt. She hesitated, unsure how to reply.
“I’m sorry,” she said humbly. “I assumed you would feel strongly about having children of your own blood—and I’ll never be able to give that to you.”
“I dinna need a broodmare, I need a wife.”
At the sight of her woebegone face, Keir’s impatience vanished. With a soft groan, he pulled her into the tough, warm haven of his embrace. He smoothed her hair and pressed her head to his shoulder. “Blood is no’ what binds a family. Love is.” His warm breath filtered down to her scalp. “How many bairns do you want? We could have a dozen if it pleases you. ’Tis the same as loving any other child. And you’d be such a fine, good mither—the beating heart of the family.” His fingers slid beneath her chin to angle it upward. “As for your late husband,” he continued, “I liked the man, and I dinna wish to speak ill of someone who can’t defend himself. But I’ll say what I would have told him while he was still living: It was no’ the time to be leaving you when he did. His loss was no greater than yours. You were the one who most needed comforting.”
“I had family and friends for that. Joshua knew they would help me through it.”
“It was a husband’s place to help you through it as well.”
“You don’t know what you would have done, if you’d been in his place.”
“I do,” Keir said firmly. “I would have stayed with my wife.”
“Even knowing there was nothing you could have done for me?”
His gaze didn’t move from hers. “Staying there doing nothing would have been doing something.”
Merritt felt her face contorting as she struggled to control her emotions. “Sometimes …” She had to pause and clear her throat before continuing. “… I find myself wishing he’d married another woman who could have given him children. Then he’d still be alive.”
“Lass, you dinna know that. He might have taken the same ship, on that same day, for a different reason. Or he might have married a woman who could have given him bairns but made his life a misery.” Keir cupped her cheek in his hand. “If he could, I think he’d tell you what a joy you were to him, and ask you no’ to remember him with guilt.” His blue eyes, the lightest color of sky, stared into her watering ones. “Ah, love,” he said gently, “I’d die in his place, if bringing him back would stop you from blaming yourself.”
She stiffened in horror at the thought. “Don’t say that.”
His thumb eased over the tiny, tense muscles of her jaw in gentle circles. “Soft, now,” he murmured. “None of it was your fault. Promise me you’ll be as kind to yourself as you’d be to someone else.”
Closing her eyes, she nudged her cheek into his palm and nodded.
“Say it,” he prompted.
“I promise to try,” Merritt said, and let out a wavering sigh. “But what’s to be done now?”
“About us? We’ll come to the right decision, you and I. Later. For now … let’s go to bed.”
Her eyes flew open. She gave him a dumbfounded look. “Here? Now?”
“My arms ache to hold you,” he said. “No’ just for a little while. For a long time.”
“Oh, I don’t think …” Floundering, Merritt lowered her forehead to his shoulder. “It wouldn’t solve any problems.”
He made a sound of amusement in his throat. “It would solve at least one of mine.” His lips slid lightly over the outer edge of her ear. “I’ll do some begging, if that would sway you.”
“Keir, it was a mistake the first time we did it.”
“Aye, and I’m after making it again.”
She drew her head back to give him a scandalized glance.