cleared his throat. “Loralei, what the hell is going on here?” He asked with a look of serious disdain. When I turned toward him he had his eyebrow raised and was staring at me like he wanted to brand me with that branding iron he was holdin’.
Loralei said, “Nothing, Dad. Not a thing. Cade was just heading inside, and he was checking to see how I was feeling, that’s all.”
Her dad looked me up and down, with his eyebrow still raised. “Sure as hell didn’t look like nothin’ to me. But you're a grown woman and I got no say in your business. So, I’m just gonna get the hell out of here, and not mention a word of what I just saw to your momma.”
“Guess that was a close one, huh?” I whispered as I leaned in to kiss Lor.
She placed her hands on my chest and pushed me away. “Cade, I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry.” She ran off toward her jeep, climbed in and drove away.
I needed those test results. As soon as she knew the baby was mine, she would wanna plan a future with me. My God, I prayed, please let that baby be mine.
Jaxon
I had been back in Richmond for only a few weeks, but it felt like forever. My mom agreed to let us stay with her until we could find a place of our own. To be honest, I wasn’t really out looking too much. I was trying to live with Stacy and Jaz as a family.
Jaz wasn’t my daughter, but I was trying so hard to pretend. I held her, I helped Stacy feed her, bathe her, and I played with her. I was trying so hard to be a daddy to her, but the more I looked at her, the more I realized what I had lost. All I had wanted was to become a family with Lor and the twins. Grow old with her on the farm. I still couldn’t understand why she was so quick to let me leave. I was so pissed off at her that day. I didn’t even put up a fight. I was such a dick. I thought she felt the same way for me, as I felt for her, but apparently I was wrong. Those weeks we were together will always be the best weeks of my life. This just proved to me that I was a total fuck-up.
Stacy was giving Jaz a bath. “Jaxon, come get her for me.”
I walked over to Stacy and took Jaz out of her arms. She was all wrapped up in her little pink princess towel. It had a hood that looked like a crown. That hood was covering up her beautiful blonde curls.
She had the biggest blue eyes. She was beautiful, just like her mommy. Why couldn’t she be mine? Why couldn’t we have had her, when we were trying so hard? When we were happy? Maybe if we had, things would be different. Back then I thought that Stacy was my future. Meeting Loralei changed all of that. It changed me.
I took Jaz into the spare bedroom we were staying in at Mom’s. She put her head on my shoulder and snuggled down into the crook of my neck. I just couldn’t understand why things had to be this way. If she had been here a couple of years ago, my fucking life would’ve been so different. But that’s not how it happened.
Even though she looked just like Stacy, I could see Ratz every time I looked at her. I just knew he was her dad. How could an asshole like that make something so perfect? Something that he would never appreciate? Something he couldn’t take the time to be bothered with?
She smelled so good. I could’ve sat there and snuggled with her forever. But Stacy came and took her out of my arms and started to get her ready for bed. I went downstairs. My mom was in the kitchen on the phone. I started through the doorway when I heard:
“He’s just not himself, Jake. He misses her. He hasn’t said anything to me, but I know that’s what it is. He’s tryin’ so hard to love this baby girl. But he won’t ever love her Momma again.”
“I know. I feel the same way. I just don’t know what to do. He has to be a man. After what his daddy did to us, he won’t ever leave her, Jake, You know that.”