I had my hands balled up into fists at my sides. “That doesn’t explain the way you reacted when she came into my office yesterday. Jaxon, you acted like I wasn’t even there. The look on your face, well, you looked like a deer caught in the headlights. All I wanted was an explanation. You didn’t even try to stop me. You just let me leave.”
“I was so shocked to see her that I didn’t know what to do, Lor. She looks so different from the last time I saw her, I was in shock. I’ve been calling you non-stop since you left. Your mom asked me to give you the night to think things over. I don’t love Stacy anymore, Loralei, and I haven’t in a long time. Our marriage had been over for months before she disappeared. Her addiction almost killed her, and me, in the process and it was all my fault. I introduced her to that life. I’m not a good guy, Loralei. There are a lot of skeletons in my closet. I was trying to turn my life around, and I thought meeting you and falling in love was a gift from God. Maybe a sign that I wasn’t as bad as I thought. That maybe I was worthy of being loved by an amazing woman like you. And then I fucked it up. I told you that day in the truck, I fuck everything up. I’m so sorry I hurt you Loralei, but I had to explain the situation. I know you hate me, and you have every right to, and you can do so much better than me, but I’m in love with you and I think I have been since the moment I laid eyes on you on that four-wheeler my first day on the farm.”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The tears started pouring down my face.
“I’m so sorry Jaxon. I’m so sorry that I didn’t pick up the phone.”
And then I started pounding on his chest. “Why didn’t you stop me? Why did you let me leave? Why did you let me come here alone? Why Jaxon? Why? You have no idea what I’ve done!”
I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t stand to see his face when the realization hit him. When he noticed the bed in shambles, or my clothes strewn all over the room, or my panties ripped to shreds at the edge of the couch. I couldn’t stand to see his face when he realized what a horrible person I was and what I had done to us, to our future.
Jaxon didn’t say a word. I watched as his jaw clenched and a tear came to his eye. I didn’t think he was sad, but I knew he was pissed. His hands were curled into fists, “Where the fuck is he?” I had never seen this side of Jaxon, he was beyond mad, he was shaking with anger.
“He’s gone. It was a mistake. I’m so sorry. I was so upset and I got really drunk and I just wanted to forget about you. I wanted to forget how much you hurt me. Jaxon, please understand; please know that if I had known everything you just told me this wouldn’t have happened. If you had stopped me yesterday or if I would have answered the phone. Please Jaxon, please don’t hate me! I love you. I’m so sorry!”
“I poured my heart out to you. I have been honest with you the whole time about how fucked up I was. But I guess I didn’t realize how fucked up you are. You waited ten years to have sex after you killed your boyfriend and had his babies and then you can’t give me one day? Just one fucking day to explain to you what happened before jumping into bed with some asshole you met in a bar?”
“You’re not the person I thought you were, and I can’t believe that I fell in love with you. Get your fucking hands off of me so I can get the hell away from you. I never want to see you again. Just pretend I died, you shouldn’t have a problem with that!”
With those words, Jaxon turned around and ran out of the room. He slammed the door so hard, that the pictures on the wall shook. I was sobbing uncontrollably. What the hell had I done? How could I have done that to Jaxon? Jaxon was right, I was totally fucked