girl is brilliant.” He accepted the lion’s share of the pork, fanned out like a book, without even raising minimal protest. It was that good, and Lana would have given it to him anyway.
Lana heaved a pretend sigh. “Isn’t she? It doesn’t leave much left over for me to do. She’s good at everything.”
Absinthe looked up from his plate of food, fork halfway to his mouth. Lana’s voice was filled with amusement, but her eyes weren’t at all.
“Babe, that’s ridiculous. You’re good at everything too.”
Lana’s smile lost all pretense of humor. “Actually, I’m not. Not at the things Czar wants for us now. I’m good at killing. I’m fast, efficient and accurate. I can seduce the socks off anyone, even someone who thinks they see it coming. I’m good at cards. The things I need to be successful at in a different life, like Blythe and Anya—or even Breezy, and she was born into the life—I’m no good at.”
Absinthe wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold her tight. He didn’t dare. Lana had too many demons. They all did. He couldn’t take them all on. Already, the ones he had were eating him alive. He couldn’t keep adding more. She wouldn’t let him anyway. The moment he gave her too much sympathy, she’d turn away from him.
“You choose all the furniture because you can make us feel as if we have a home when we sit in it no matter where we are. You know that.”
She shrugged. “I suppose there is a use in that, but how often do we buy furniture?”
“Lana, we’re all learning. It takes time.”
“I’m not certain what we’re supposed to be learning,” she said, sounding serious. “I’m not ever going to be able to cook like Blythe, and no one can cook like Alena. That’s one of her many gifts. We all know that.”
There was love and pride in her voice. Absinthe could feel the genuine affection she had for Alena. “Babe, that doesn’t mean a thing. Cooking or not cooking doesn’t make or break a relationship. I couldn’t care less if Scarlet can cook. I doubt if Ice cares if Soleil can make a pancake for him. He loves her. That’s what matters. What’s wrong? What’s this really about?”
She shrugged and pushed the food around on her plate with her fork. “I’m restless sometimes, that’s all. I have to fight depression, just like everyone else. It isn’t easy being with everyone all the time. The reminders are … difficult. Some days are worse than others. You know how it is. All of us have to fight those times.”
“Lana, you can put an end to it. You’re capable of loving, you know you are.”
“I can’t. There is no way to end it. I don’t have that second chance like Steele got with Breezy. Some things, when they’re broken, can’t be put back together. I want to make certain Alena is all right, and Savage. I’m so worried about him. If he takes off, I’m going with him.”
“No.” Absinthe had been sitting back, lounging almost, doing his best to keep Lana at ease so she’d talk to him, but there was no way to disguise his visceral reaction to her declaration. “You can’t do that.”
“Someone has to watch over him.”
“If he leaves us, it’s for a reason. You can’t save him if he goes. He’s leaving because he knows he can’t be saved.”
“He already thinks that, Absinthe. We all know that. It’s a matter of time. If he leaves, it’s because he’s given up. If I go with him, he’ll try to hold out longer.”
“And what? Prolong his agony? Because that’s what he’s going through. I feel it when I’m close to him. Not all the time, but, man, when the devil’s on his back, when it sinks its teeth into him, that demon has him hard. You can’t save him, Lana. I don’t know what can.”
She looked out toward the restaurant, blinking rapidly to stop any moisture from touching her eyes. “I hate what they did to us. To all of us. Czar tried so hard to give us something to live for, but I don’t see how we’re all going to come out of this whole.”
“We aren’t,” Absinthe said truthfully. “We aren’t, Lana. It’s an impossibility. Look at Reaper. He loves Anya so much. You can see it every time he looks at her. He loves her with every breath he takes. He’s damned lucky she loves him the same way back because