Absinthe understood that because he felt those things for the other women. “I hear what you’re saying, Steele. Demyan was my brother and I loved him. I looked up to him and admired him. I wanted him back after he was gone, and I blamed myself all these years. I was still that child and I knew that. I read psychology books all the time. Intellectually, I knew what I was doing, holding on to anger against you, Alena, Savage and even Demyan for leaving me. For keeping me alive after I’d lost so much. I knew, but I couldn’t stop.”
“You know the trauma won’t go away because you figured the shit out, right?” Steele said. “Because I’m a fuckin’ doctor and I’ve got this girl, my wife, and she gives me the world and I still can’t make it stop. She makes it better, but it doesn’t stop.”
“No, it isn’t going to stop,” Absinthe agreed. “For any of us. It doesn’t work that way, but we can all find better ways to cope.”
Steele put a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for talking to me about this, brother. I needed to hear what you had to say, and I needed to tell you what Demyan said. I never thought he was able to give me the message for you that was so important to him to say.”
Absinthe ordinarily would have avoided physical contact in an emotional situation like this one, but he was grateful he didn’t. He felt Steele’s grief, but he also felt his genuine love for his brother, and also for him. It ran deep and allowed him to finally let go of the feelings of anger, betrayal and resentment he was harboring against Steele and just feel that shared grief and love toward him.
That sat together in silence for a few more minutes while more of their club gathered at the bar and music blared loudly. “I can’t leave Scarlet alone for too long. She’s new at this.”
The two walked together around the corner to the front of the bar, where several of the members of Torpedo Ink had congregated on the stairs. Absinthe found himself viewing them differently. As his brothers—but just that little bit differently. Scarlet had already changed his life, just by talking to him, by insisting he work things out with Steele and the others, first in his head and then with them.
In the bar, she was standing in a small, tight circle of women, close to Breezy, who clearly was watching over her for Absinthe. Scarlet looked up, her eyes lighting up the moment she saw him, and then she smiled. His heart reacted, clenching hard in his chest. He went straight to her, threading his way through his brethren, nodding to all those greeting him, but his gaze was locked on hers. She searched his face, making certain he was all right after his talk with Steele. Clearly, Breezy was doing the same thing with her man.
The moment Absinthe got to Scarlet, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, gently brushing his lips over hers. “Missed you, baby. You all right? Breezy take good care of you?” He drew her away from the other women.
“She did,” Scarlet said. “She introduced me to everyone I hadn’t met. Lissa, Lexi and Airiana, who has been regaling us with tales about her son Benito and all of his antics as a mini-Max and assassin in training. Apparently, Blythe and Airiana had an entirely different vision of survival training than Czar and all of you. It was hysterical listening to her. She had us in stitches, although it was heartbreaking at times when she told us sometimes the children still come to their bedroom and crawl into bed with them because of nightmares.”
He massaged the nape of her neck. “I still have nightmares and I’m in my thirties,” he pointed out. “Steele was just telling me that our past doesn’t go away because we want it to. Trauma like that sticks with you and the ramifications last forever.”
Scarlet tipped her face up to his. “Are you good with Steele, honey?”
“Much better,” he admitted. “Thanks for suggesting I talk to him. I did the same with Alena earlier. I feel better about a lot of things right now.” He slung his arm around her neck and kissed her.
The moment she parted her lips, that strange electrical charge raced from her skin to his. Like putting a match