Desiring Dylan - Suzanne Jenkins Page 0,6

and they waited, watching her struggle with the keypad and finally getting inside. She didn’t signal or wave goodbye. It was just as well. Her separation from the band would be swift and complete.

Once inside her apartment, the warmth of it enveloped her. Even the smell of something floral, probably a plug-in deodorizer she kept in the downstairs powder room, helped to anchor her to the here and now. With eyes closed, she leaned against the closed door, reaching behind her back to lock it and throw the security bolt. A sense of despair followed close behind the worst violation. Kenny was dead.

Sobbing again, she didn’t know how long she stood in the foyer, paralyzed with grief. Finally, a car with a bad muffler on the street woke her from the trance, and she moved down the hall toward the utility room.

Looking over her clothing, her gorge rose. It was imperative that she get out of the bloodstained clothing right away. Whether she’d toss them away was to be determined. She might keep them, washed of course, as a reminder of what this day had been, of how it had started out with so much promise.

She stripped down and threw everything into the same wash load, added all the elements needed to sanitize and wash, turned the dial to the hottest water and the longest wash. Then, naked, she went into the rarely used guest room and got into the shower. She stood there under the pounding stream for a long time.

Thursday had been the last day the band would be in Philadelphia, the final day of the mid-Atlantic tour. The band stayed in a hotel while they were in Philly. She’d offered to have Kenny come to her apartment, but after discussing it, he’d opted to stay with the band.

An impromptu gig had happened Wednesday night at a bar in South Philly where they’d stopped after the concert. The appreciative cheers were all the prompting they needed, and the guitars came out again, with one snare and a flute. Word got out in the neighborhood that they were playing, and soon the place was packed till closing, with people standing out on the sidewalk to hear, including policemen.

Later, everyone said that Kenny had never sounded better, his voice was so rich, spot on key. They made it back to his hotel, exhausted but exhilarated. The next morning, they showered together and made love before the final concert.

Up on stage where he’d shined like always, Kenny reached down for Landon’s hand, hoisting her up with him, and introduced her to the stadium as his future wife. And then that night while they had waited to be seated, he’d asked her to consider leaving Philadelphia and traveling with the band as the tour manager.

As she showered, bits and pieces of the night, vignettes that she hoped to never forget came together in a flood, breaking her heart all over again. Sobbing throughout the early morning, she wondered how long she could cry before her tears dried up.

Her phone rang constantly; her mother would be the only call she’d take at five a.m.

“Ask everyone to hold their calls,” she begged. “I can’t talk about it anymore right now.”

Mr. Rider called at six. “Honey, we wish you would come stay with us,” he begged. “We need you here.”

“I haven’t had any sleep yet,” she explained. “I’ll come later. Tell Betty I love her.”

She didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to see the mementoes of their famous son plastered all over their northeast Philadelphia row home. Kenny had tried to buy them a bigger house in a swankier neighborhood, but they’d refused. Having a small place allowed them to follow the band like a groupie. They stayed in the same hotel as the band did, and Kenny loved it, said it made him feel like he was at home.

His mother, Betty, was his biggest fan, and he wore the T-shirts she ironed for him whenever he sang. They’d never missed a concert. When he was a young boy, every recital he had, every high school choir concert, they went. What was the loss going to be like for his parents? Kenny was their baby. Landon would go for them, but it wasn’t going to be easy.

Across town, Dylan Cross was so horrified with his behavior that he couldn’t sleep. In disbelief, he’d approached that young woman who had lost her boyfriend, and he’d been so rude and then discovered it was Landon. Pacing in