Desires of a Monster - Roe Horvat Page 0,57
The shadows in Rees’s sleeping face had occupied my thoughts for the entire morning.
Lillian turned her cool eyes to me. I didn’t appreciate the annoyed look she gave me. “Ask him yourself. You’re with him every night.” Her brash words surprised me. She didn’t waste her energy on petty quarrels. Rees was unwell. And she hadn’t told me.
“I gave you a task to look after him when I’m gone. Did you fail again?”
“I failed once, and I have it on my conscience. You’re failing him every day.”
I wouldn’t be angry at Lillian, but her reprimand shocked me. She only ever told me off when I was wrong. Had I failed Rees?
“How?” I growled.
“You’re much cleverer than me. You can figure out the answer yourself.”
“He’s healthy, but I can sense he’s unwell. Does he work too much? I can force you to tell me.”
“His body is healthy. But what about his soul and his heart?”
“You don’t believe I care about his soul?”
“Do you? Or do you only care he’s well enough so you can use him as you please? Have you ever talked to him, or do you just fuck him?”
“Lillian! Choose your words with more care!” For the first time in almost forty years, I got angry with her. Sera whinnied under me.
“I can’t lie to your face,” Lillian said calmly, unperturbed by my outburst. “If you ask questions, you better learn to listen to my answers. He’s unhappy. And if you don’t realize it and understand it, you don’t deserve him.”
“I’ve given him life! What greater proof of my love does he need?”
Lillian brought her horse to a halt, forcing mine to pause as well. “You do love him?” She tilted her head to the side as if she genuinely doubted me.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I shouted the question, heat in my veins. A few birds shrieked, flying out of the bushes, startled by my outraged voice.
“No. It isn’t. Just like it isn’t obvious what your love for him means. You’re immortal, but he’s human. He will age, weaken, and his beauty will wither. Will you still love him then?”
I’ll age and weaken with him. But he doesn’t know that. I have barely made peace with it myself.
I thought of him waiting for me naked yesterday. How he’d offered me his body but hidden his face. I had demanded that he love me. But had I given him love in return? My anger left me.
“Love can’t be measured in the pleasure I give, can it?” I asked out loud, more to myself than expecting Lillian to answer.
“For centuries, you fucked men you didn’t love. How is Rees supposed to know he’s any different than those men?”
I paused as realization dawned on me. It was so simple, and I’d been such a common fool.
“I haven’t been treating Rees as my equal.” The heavy truth of my words weighed on my shoulders. I’d been selfish, focused on what I had lost, not what I had gained.
Lillian nodded and glanced away. “I’m glad we’ve cleared that up,” she said, her tone still upset. She beckoned her horse to continue down the road, and Sera followed.
The sun was setting behind the heavy clouds when I hurried back to the estate, riding faster the closer we were, leaving Lillian behind. Rees would be naked again tonight, waiting for me, but I wouldn’t take him. I’d envelop him in my arms and demand he tell me everything. I wouldn’t rest until I’d found a way to bring him the happiness he deserved. Oh, how long had it been since I’d heard him laugh out loud? I’d been such a fool!
Impatient, I sent Sera off to the stables and rushed up the stairs. For once, I didn’t bother with bathing. I left my cloak, riding shoes, and pants in the changing room and wrapped my robe around me.
When I entered my bedroom, I froze.
Rees was dressed. For the first time since our early days together, he waited for me fully dressed. Cold fear squeezed my throat.
“Rees, what is this? Why are you wearing clothes on our evening together?”
He ignored my question. Slowly, he knelt where he was—on the other side of the room—and he spoke, voice shaking but tone determined.
“I’ve been here for thirteen weeks now, my Lord. It’s been the happiest time I’ve known, and I’m forever indebted to you for the life you gave me.” He paused and swallowed. “However, I’m healthy now. I know you won’t let me stay much longer.”
He is leaving.
“Thirteen weeks,”