Deserted - Cara Dee Page 0,117
promise to Jayden lightly, and it started a new fire. “You know, I’ve always wanted a family of my own. You can call me a kid all you want, but I was fucking born responsible. Not all young people are reckless and undependable.”
“Have I said that?” Darius frowned. “If I didn’t believe you’d make a great dad, I wouldn’t have agreed to this, ’cause God knows I won’t be wonderful at it. I’mma need a shit-ton of help. But,” he stressed, “I also believe you have a heart that’s gonna bleed you dry if you don’t enforce limits on who you’re gonna help. You can’t be there for everyone. You can’t save everyone. Because you will never be satisfied. You’ll never reach a point where you feel like you’ve done enough.”
They weren’t talking about Gray anymore, and it took the fight out of him.
This was what Darius had done for years and years. He’d been chasing something. He’d wanted to restore the world in some way; he’d wanted the good guys to win. When, in reality, both sides would always exist.
Darius had hunted innocence like drug addicts went after their next fix.
Gray blew out a breath and grabbed Darius’s hand. “First of all, you’re gonna be a terrific father. I mean, you focus on logistics and everything.” He’d hoped that would’ve made Darius smile, but there was just a small twitch. “Baby, you’re gonna be amazing.” He squeezed his hand. “You’re practical, protective, nurturing, and supportive. And…you understand me. You can predict my reactions better than I can—which is only mildly annoying—but it means you can check me when I need it. Because you’re right. After everything I went through this past winter, I’m desperate to see good in the world.” Actually… “Actually, I’m desperate to defeat the evil, which won’t work. There will always be a new target—one that would take me away from home. From you, from the boys.”
Darius threaded their fingers together and held on tightly, while keeping his eyes on the road. It was hard to see because it was dark, but Gray was fairly sure he saw Darius’s eyes get a bit glassy.
Darius cleared his throat. “I’m terrified to wake up one morning and see you gone because you wanna chase down the heads of this organization.”
“It won’t happen,” Gray vowed quickly. “Not even if I had your skills, all the favors you could cash in, or all the friends who could help. I promise you, Darius. I’m done. Jackie’s free. Now I’m going to focus on building a good future with you, Jayden, and Justin. We’ll prepare them, you know? We’ll take our experiences and teach them everything they need to know to be independent one day. You can teach us all to be zombie preppers.”
That worked, finally. Darius chuckled quietly and kissed Gray’s fingers. “We’re gonna scar them for life.”
Gray grinned. “I can make us tinfoil hats.”
Darius let out a laugh. “Christ, I fucking love you, knucklehead.”
Whoa.
A shiver ripped through him, the sensations making his goddamn heart soar.
“You do?” His stomach felt tight with nerves. “You didn’t just say that in the—”
“Oh, shut up. No, I didn’t.”
“Oh.” Fuck drugs; this was the best high Gray had ever experienced. He smiled like a dope and wondered if he’d sprouted wings or some shit. “I love you too. To bizarre measures, really.”
Darius exhaled and smirked. “Thank fuck.”
The joy that coursed through Gray was bordering on ridiculous. Part of him wanted to commemorate the moment with a lovey-dovey picture they could post on social media, but then he remembered that, one, he wasn’t on social media anymore—finding Jackie on Facebook would be his first visit since last fall—and, two, Darius’s opinion on social media was…well, very him.
Speaking of Jackie… Gray grabbed Darius’s phone and activated the screen, and the first thing he saw was a string of messages from Ryan. His pulse kicked up.
“Unlock it, please. We have updates from your brother.”
Darius side-eyed the phone. “Password’s sixty-four, forty-two.”
“Dude. That’s trust.” Gray inserted the code. “If I ask if there’s any significance to the digits, will you give me a spiel about how stupid people are when they get sentimental about choosing passwords?”
“Absolutely.”
Gray snorted. “Figures.”
“Significance can be okay,” Darius amended. “But keep birthdates and first letters of family members’ names outta there.”
Welp. Gray would have to change his passwords before sharing them, in other words.
The topic died as he scrolled down the several messages.
SOPS is a go, I think. Thumbs-up, porch cleared.
Fire started. SOPS running up the