But Kastros doesn’t move. He doesn’t even blink. His eyes remain fixed on my own, begging me without words to listen to him, to forgive him.
And my heart…
It fucking breaks. Shrivels into a decaying husk smaller than a grape. All I can do is stare at the man who I loved…love…and think about his betrayal. I think that’s what hurts me the most—because, despite everything, a piece of me still loves him irrevocably. It’s sick and fucked up and twisted, but all I want to do is run into his arms and have him shield me and protect me from the horrors of this world.
Even if the biggest horror is him.
Katrina, he signs, and I can’t help but notice that his hands shake.
“No.” A single tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to look at me like…like that!”
Like I stuck my hand in his chest and am now crushing his heart in my fist.
Like I gave him the world and then decided he wasn’t deserving of it.
Like I showed him the sun and then pushed him back into the oppressive darkness.
Katrina, please, let me explain. His hands move rapidly, jerkily, as I begin to stalk away. He gently grabs my arm, attempting to pull me to a stop, and all of the hurt and pain and rage that has been bottled up inside of me explodes like a volcano becoming active.
“You tried to kill me, Kastros!” I scream, the tears falling unchecked. I don’t lift a hand to brush them away. Some people think that tears make you weak, but I disagree. I think that if you’re willing to show pain around another individual, willing to show them trust, it makes you the strongest motherfucker in the world. “You killed my nanny!”
His own eyes glitter in the bright lights as he stares at me. Just stares. He opens his mouth, almost as if he forgot he lost his tongue, and then quickly snaps it shut. His eyes beseech me, plead with me, but I can’t forgive him. Not yet. Not ever.
“Do you still want me dead?” I gasp, the metaphorical knife twisting even deeper in my gut. I’m dimly aware of the other four demons branching out around us, watching the exchange with pained eyes, but no one makes a move to stop Kastros.
No! He shakes his head from side to side rapidly. Never. Katrina, I love you.
“How can you say that?” I’m gasping, choking on my tears. “You don’t lie to the people you love!”
I never would’ve done that if I had known how much you would come to mean to me, Kastros signs. You’re my entire world. Katrina, please.
“I hate you.” The words fall from my lips before I can stop them. Hurt—so much fucking hurt—flickers across his face, and I instantly want to apologize. To promise him I didn’t mean it and that I still love him.
But that thought is quickly overridden by my pain and anger.
I take a step away from him and turn to address all of my demons.
“Did you guys know?” My voice shakes ever so slightly. “About…” I nod towards Kastros, not able to articulate the words out loud again. Did you know that he tried to kill me and caused my nanny’s death?
“No!” Van and Zolroth say in unison, the sincerity in their voices impossible to deny.
“Absolutely not, cherry,” adds Akor, still glaring daggers at Kastros. He holds the sword in one hand and a fucking tiara in the other. What he plans to do with the tiara, I have no idea, but I know it probably isn’t good.
“Raz?” I turn towards my last demon, but he doesn’t look at me. His gaze purposely turns towards the ground as he forks his fingers through his shaggy hair. The pain in my chest grows and grows, until the tiny little seed becomes a full-grown tree. “Raz?” Fuck, my voice cracks. It’s impossible for them not to hear it.
When he meets my gaze, his eyes are shadowed.
“I had my suspicions, but I didn’t know anything for sure. Not until…” He trails off, his teeth biting down on his lower lip, but I heard enough. It’s virtually impossible to see through the tears cascading down my cheeks.
Away. I need to get away.
This time, when I run towards the house, none of them stop me. None of them call me back.