by a goddamned giggle, like it was a spear or something. It shot right through my heart, went straight to my dick, and made my blood race like I was in the midst of battle.
Every night after, I went crawling back there, searching for her, any sign of her, needing her like some pathetic addict.
Just like now.
I barrel roll through the sky and land on her balcony, noting Akor’s camping light glowing inside his tent, making the whole thing look like a firefly’s ass. I don’t bother with knocking. I use my claw to slice through the metal latch like it’s butter, and I slide the door open.
Katrina’s asleep, half upright with pillows stuffed behind her on the padded black hotel bed frame, Adam’s little head tucked against her chest. In the moonlight, her skin is pale, and even the pink of her hair dye is softened. Her plush pink lips are parted as she breathes softly in her sleep, and I wonder where her mind has gone now.
Immediately upon seeing her, the strain on my heart eases and that awful, bile-flavored panic recedes. No one has her. No one but her brother.
Adam must have been what ripped her away from me. He must have needed her.
My logic returns, and I want to throw a lamp across the room, just to vent my frustration at the way these stupid feelings have me tied up over her. I should have known that no one would’ve gotten in with Akor hawking over her. He’s one of the most powerful damn demons in Hell, even if he is the craziest.
I let out a low sigh of relief.
Her gorgeous eyelashes flicker open, and for a second, her face gets pale, scared. But then she blinks a few times in confusion, staring at me. “Ziel?” she asks, hesitantly.
Fuck. I forgot to change my face when I left the divine realm. I scrub a hand over my forehead and down my face, unsure what the hell I’m supposed to say. I’ve thought about this moment for months, tried to plan it.
I certainly didn’t want it to fucking happen with me standing over her like a creep in the night with the window open.
Dammit to fuck, what do I do?
She’s already sliding out of bed, covering Adam with the comforter, bending over the bed to tuck him in and to release his death grip on that fuzzy little cat that Akor gave Katrina, who’s purring up a storm. I swallow hard when I realize she’s wearing the most delectable tiny pink sleep shorts, the globes of her ass spilling out just the tiniest bit, pale like slivers of the moon, and my eyes can’t help but lock onto the exposed skin.
I have no clue what to do when Katrina straightens and turns to me, stepping tentatively closer, her bare feet shuffling over the carpet. My mouth goes dry in my throat when I think about what happened last time she saw me as Ziel, not tonight, but before. When she still thought everything was just a dream.
Is she furious?
Because to me…that night was everything.
Does she have any idea how hard I have to work to tone it down each day…? Not to grab her and just do what I want? Not just take her, let this insatiable craving for her go wild and do what it wants? It’s like trying to hold back a bull in his cage.
But…does she want me? All of me? Or just that softer side…the side no one else gets to see?
I shut down the fear she doesn’t want me when I see her eyes grow hooded and watch her lick that plump bottom lip tentatively.
She wants me as Ziel. And she kissed me like a fucking sex demon when we were in the gym at that shitstorm of a dance. So she wants me as Raz. At least that’s what I tell myself.
But the question is…does she want the dream version of me more than the real? Does she want the guy who can be soft and patient in a way I can never be in real life, because there’s too damn much riding on my shoulders?
Ziel’s an illusion. For both of us.
He’s who I might have been if I hadn’t had leadership thrust on my shoulders one goddamned day because Kastros had decided he’d had enough.
Katrina stops walking a few feet from me, uncertain. I can see from the way her eyes flicker back and forth to each of mine that