Delinquents Turned Fugitives - Ann Denton Page 0,72
from me on the stairwell blurred. I blinked hard, struggling to push back the mist in my eyes that threatened to turn into a flood. Mom’s funeral. She was talking about Mom’s funeral. “Oh.” That was all I could get out.
“It’s going to be an outdoor ceremony at the cemetery since the weather’s nice. I got it set up right next to where your dad is …” Tia trailed off, unable to disguise the pity in her voice.
Tears won out. I had to swallow a sob. Only when I thought it was contained, did I gruffly say, “Thanks, T.”
“Of course. I considered hiring a marching band to play just to annoy your mom in the great beyond … but I took the mature route instead.”
I cracked a smile but wasn’t in control of myself enough to speak. I could just picture Mom’s dismay at some gaudy display. She would have shaken her head, hands on her hips, cheeks flaming. She would have been fighting a smile, but still, she never liked to have us make a big deal out of her. Tia’s idea was perfect. And it broke me.
We stayed on the line even though the silence stretched out between us. I wasn’t quite ready to let her go because if I did, I might collapse. It felt like the Big Bang was happening inside of my chest—a massive explosion that would change the future forever. It didn’t make sense, because Mom had already died. But my grief didn’t heed reason, my heart didn’t recognize past or present. They just knew it hurt. Time and logic ceased for a minute as my body struggled to contain this wide, black expanse of grief and stars that spread through me. I slid down the wall and sat on the stairs, staring down at the landing but not really seeing it.
The voices of the guys, so lighthearted, full of banter, drifted up to me.
For a moment, I just wished I was someone else.
Someone who didn’t have to feel this.
But then I sucker punched my feelings. Fuck that. I let my hands grow dark with shadows and filled my eyes with dancing onyx ribbons, let a dark cloud drift across my mind. For a split second, everything went black. It was like hitting the reset button. Getting caught in my shadows was like getting dragged under water and running out of oxygen. My body surged up out of the grief, gasping for air—for light.
I opened my eyes. And I was in control again. For now, at least.
I sucked in a deep breath then asked the absolute minimum number of questions necessary about the funeral. I got the time and information about where to park before I disconnected with Tia. I kept it short and clipped, not wanting anything else to trigger me.
Afterward, I marched to the bathroom and rinsed off my tear-stained face. Then I decided that I might as well get it over with. Since the day had taken a terrible turn, it was best to get all of the wretched emotional outbursts out of the way at once. It was time to walk across the hot coals, step into the fire, and tell the truth.
“Dad,” I called out, staring at the red rims under my eyes in the bathroom mirror.
Seconds later, Dad materialized next to me. “Kiddo. I’ve been worried about you.” He wore a collared shirt, and brown slacks. But he didn’t even bother with sweaters or fedoras today. I didn’t know if it was because he’d forgotten how he liked to pester me with his nerd clothes or if he really had been so concerned that he hadn’t magicked them up.
I didn’t deserve his concern. I deserved his wrath.
I gripped the sides of the counter top until my knuckles grew white. Rage and regret both surged up inside me, tasting sour and stinging my soul like someone had just squeezed a lemon over every little hurt I had. And that person was me.
How could I tell him his soulmate was gone?
And that it was my fault?
I blew out a deep breath as I stared into his brown eyes, eyes that were scrunched in worry. The fact that he remembered me today was just as heartwarming as it was heart wrenching. I’d called him here to tell him. But seeing him made me clench. I didn’t want to. But he knew me just now, which meant I couldn’t use that final excuse to delay telling him the truth.