Whitney is the last to crack, her chin quivering as I meet her gaze. She nods. “You always have us, no matter what.”
We stay on the couch for what feels like hours. Dad tells me about trips he used to take to visit that, with his descriptions and patience, I slowly start to remember. For so long, I felt like a burden to my dad, for him having to take me in, and though he never says the actual words, it’s clear he was grateful for the chance of me living with them like he’d always wanted. It’s a bittersweet feeling that makes me feel a myriad of conflicting emotions, but once I stop trying to tell myself how I should feel, and why, I’m startled to realize how grateful I am.
“What about Arlo?” I ask.
Dad smooths his hands over his face. “I had a meeting this morning, and I told them I was wrong. That Arlo deserves to play for Brighton, and they told me that his lawyer had already contacted the school, and they were working on reinstating him.”
“His lawyer?”
Dad’s lips curve with a grin he works to fight. “Lincoln Beckett’s father. I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to get rid of Arlo even if I’d been in the right.”
I glance at Rose, who bites back her laughter.
“He’s a good kid, but I just panicked. I can’t lose you again, Olivia. I just can’t.” His eyes are red and glossy with fresh tears. “I want to be in your life.”
I reach forward and hug him again, regretting how hard I pushed each time they tried to get closer to me.
“It made me feel bad to be happy,” I tell him. “I felt guilty and terrified.”
Whitney stands, moving around to my other side and rests a hand on my back. “Your mom only ever wanted you to be happy.”
I nod, knowing she’s right. There’s still a twinge of pain there that comes each time I miss my mom. However, the last few days, between heavy thoughts and talking with Diane, and now with my dad and Whitney, I no longer feel the resentment or doubt regarding where I belong and who my mother was. I knew it all along. I just took a small detour to confirm the fact. My mom was always my mom—and always will be.
39
Arlo
“What?” I ask, looking at Lincoln as he stares at me from across the couch.
“What are you doing here? Go talk to Olivia.”
I flip him off.
“Are you at least going to listen to her message?”
“So I can hear her tell me why she was making out with her ex? Negative.”
“Trust me. If you wait for a day or two, you’re going to lose her. Swallow your pride, and go talk to her,” Lincoln says.
“What would you have done if you saw Rae kissing another guy?”
“I’d fucking castrate him.”
“Exactly.”
“But, you’re forgetting I watched Rae kiss Derek before we were together, and I get it. I know that push and pull feeling that has you wanting to rip the moon out of the sky and burn everything to the ground. I was there. I also learned the hard way that most of the time, we come up with the worst-case scenarios, and the truth is rarely as bad as it seems.”
“What if it’s worse?”
Lincoln flinches. “You have to decide if you’re willing to risk that pain.”
I stand. “I’m going to the grocery store. I can’t talk about this right now.”
I’ve never considered myself a prideful person, but as I pull up to the grocery store, Lincoln’s words are haunting me like a bad song that won’t get out of my head.
I push the shopping cart down the pop and juice aisle, looking for flavored water. I’m dehydrated, sporting the headache to end all headaches.
I grab some carbonated fruit water that Poppy asked me to pick up the last time I was here, having to close one eye in an attempt to abate the dull ache that resides in my right eye.
“Arlo?”
I glance up to find Jade.
Great.
I take a deep breath, trying my damndest to remain calm and seem unfazed because the last thing I want to do is come unhinged after everything that’s happened in the past few days.
“How are you?” she asks, her gaze sweeping across my face and torso, pausing on my exposed biceps.
I flash a smile that confirms I caught her looking.
She rolls her eyes. “I swear, every time I’m around you, I