Defenseman No. 9 - Xavier Neal Page 0,96

want to be here for you. As your best fucking friend this shit is way the fuck overdue. And, as your boyfriend – a title I am more than willing to fight to keep for however long you’re willing to let me keep it – I should’ve been showing up for you the way someone who loves you should show up. The way you have always shown up for me.” His fingertips link to my own, and I forget how to breathe altogether. “I’m sorry I fucked up. I’m sorry I’m a fuck up. I’m sorry that my own self-sabotage hurt you. I know I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry enough to undo the bullshit I have put you through, but I am willing to try.” Crash’s voice slightly shakes, swaying me slightly on my feet. “Even if that means we have to start this shit all over again, and I’ve gotta be the one to save you from some bully, and spend the next decade being your best friend that’s always there, always patiently waiting for a chance to be seen for how fucking amazing he is…,” He delivers a gentle stoke across my knuckles, “then that’s what I’ll do. Because life without you in it, Hugo Rhinehart, isn’t any kind of life at all.”

My mouth drops to his in a frantic need to express I accept his apology.

I accept his promises.

I accept him.

We each deliver light brisk brushes of the tongue, both of us, obviously, feeling fearful yet feverish. I let the aggressive nature I’m known for in the rink skate into my relationship and forcefully replant my claim to an area that I’ve waited far too long to have to just give up so easily. Crash whimpers from the pressure but doesn’t pull away. He squeezes my fingers tighter. I squeeze back and let my presses match the strength.

Our separation is as abrupt as our reunion due to him stepping slightly back. “I do need to know that going forward you’re gonna actually talk to me about shit.”

Culpability makes an unwanted appearance on my complexion.

“As much as I didn’t love all the shit you said to me Saturday night, it was obvious as fuck you’ve been letting that shit fester inside for way too long.” A serious scolding stare is what I’m shot. “And, that shit won’t fly anymore, Boo. You got a problem? Bring that shit up when it’s relevant. Don’t let it build and build and build and then explode out of your shorts Incredible Hunk.”

“It’s hard for me,” I state in a surprisingly steady voice. “I don’t wanna say some shit and lose you over it.”

“You’re gonna fuck around and not say some shit and lose me over it.”

The counter causes my forehead to crinkle.

“You were so in the right for unleashing the hell you did, but I don’t wanna be in a relationship where my boyfriend’s temper could break free at some unannounced moment and-” he stops himself, shakes his head, and sighs. “Look, Hugo. Logically, I know you would never hit me. You won’t even let me squish spiders in front of you. But, after the shit with Jevin-”

I growl in irritation at the comparison as much as his name.

“It’s almost an involuntary response to someone’s temper. I know you’re not him. And, I’m fucking sorry I’ve made you pay for a lot of his mistakes, but it’s clear some of those wounds aren’t fucking healed yet, so I’m asking you to help me in that aspect by talking to me more rather than waiting to yell. Fuck, if we could skip yelling altogether, I’d appreciate that.”

Understanding swoops in and pushes me to wind my arms around his waist. “I will work on talking to you about things that upset me without worrying that you’ll end us over it.”

Crash starts to smile, tempting me not to continue.

“But, I also need you to talk to someone about the abuse you went through.”

He instantly glowers.

“It’s trauma. You were a victim.”

His face frowns harder at the remark.

“You don’t have to stay a victim, baby. You take back that power by talking about it and by getting whatever help you need because the person who hurt you doesn’t have control over you any longer.” Seeing Crash begin to melt causes me to tighten my hold. “I will go with you if you want. I will not go if you don’t. It’s up to you, but for your sake as much as mine, I need