Defenseman No. 9 - Xavier Neal Page 0,81
in his seat. “I was in a rush. I was going to be late for practice. I told you that.”
“Were you actually gonna be late or was that just the perfect excuse to use to get me out of your place before you had to explain to some random asshole who shows up for one of your shakes why I was there so goddamn early?!”
“Crash…” Betty quietly calls to me again.
“Were you actually gonna be late or just fucking pissy I didn’t come over last night to blow you before bed?”
This time she hisses my name, “Crash.”
“Lower your voice,” Hugo calmly insists.
“Why!?” The opposite is done deliberately. “You don’t want the whole campus to know you like cock?!”
My shouted statement successfully puts me on the stage I know I don’t need to be on right now.
“You don’t want the whole school finding out that their favorite d man is actually a huge fan of the D?!” I can feel more stares swiveling our way acting as more indications to stop shouting. To stop screeching. To stop putting on this show everyone can see. But I can’t. I can never stop when I know I need to. “You want me to lower my voice so you can keep me in the back of your closet next to your books of poetry, poor attempts at writing the shit, and butt plugs!?”
To my surprise, he doesn’t yell back or even insist I shut the fuck up.
Gasps and whispers swarm the air while regret and remorse slowly begin to suffocate me.
What am I doing?!
What have I done?!
Hugo slowly rises to his feet allowing his significantly large frame to tower over mine.
In spite of logic snapping her bony fingers at me to get it together, that he would never hurt me, that he is always the one to save me from the harm, I flinch in anticipation of being struck. Shrink down in anticipation of a fist being swung my direction.
His brown eyes that were bulging in rage fade to a much harder emotion for me to swallow.
Sadness.
“Y-y-you think I-I-I’m gonna h-h-hit you?” The brokenness in his tone manages to break my heart into tiny glitter sized pieces. “Y-y-you th-th-think I w-w-would ever do th-th-that to you?” He shakes his head at an agonizing slow rate. “U-u-unbelievable, Crash.”
“Is he stuttering?” a girlish voice questions too loudly, shifting the spotlight to a subject I know is sensitive for him.
Hugo lets his lids close.
His frustrations lower to a simmer instead of letting them boil over like mine did.
He focuses on steadying his speech rather than the fact his secrets are rapidly becoming the topic of conversation at every table in the room.
When his eyes finally open, they settle on mine, showcasing a slew of pain I’m not sure an apology can ever ease. “I wanted you to lower your voice, so that the entire fucking campus didn’t know I was having a fight with my boyfriend.”
Hearing him openly use the label hurts.
It proves what I let Jevin convince me otherwise of.
And, seeing him not wince away from the term deepens the ache.
It further shows he’s not ashamed, like I let my ex lead me to believe.
Like I’m sure my ex wanted me to believe.
Was trying to manipulate me into believing for his own sick amusement.
“I don’t like to fight in public. I don’t like the world to know what they don’t have a right to know. I don’t like the world watching you make an ass of yourself, any more than I like them watching you make an asshole out of me.” He leans over to grab his gym bag. “I won’t fight with you here. We can finish this shit later at home.”
Home.
If I was just the fuckboy, like Jevin had me momentarily thinking I was, he wouldn’t use that word.
He’d never use that word.
Hugo pulls his car keys out of his pocket. “I have a project to finish for class now. We have to submit it by the end of the day.”
My voice is meek. “Hu-”
“Meet me at my apartment in twenty,” he states to Leif who isn’t hiding his astonishment at all. “I’ll stop by the store and grab the nuts.”
“Bet you will!” Someone shouts in the background, inspiring the entire establishment to burst into laughter.
Shame and sorrow shake my entire frame as I quietly whisper, “Hugo, I…I…”
He adjusts the bag on his shoulder, turns towards the doors to exit, yet stops to say near my ear, “Thinking I’d ever hit you hurts more