Defenseman No. 9 - Xavier Neal Page 0,69

that back.”

“Is that luck or skill, Boo?”

We laugh together as Hugo reaches over to pull me to him. “Get over here.”

He’s met by minimal resistance, and having his sweaty arm blanketed around me while being pressed against him provides the physical love I fell for first.

There’s endless security in his arms.

From the threats of the outside world to the emotional demons that pick the worst times to want to dance across the stage of my life.

Here, in Hugo’s arms, is the only place I ever feel truly safe, and I hope he knows that if he ever wants or needs us to make a switch here for a bit, I’m okay with that, too.

I want him to know I may not be as big as he is, but I will be just as fierce if anyone tries to fuck with him.

Sadly, though, I constantly fear that the person who is going to hurt him the worst is going to be me.

And, I honestly don’t know how well I can protect him from the unpredictable disaster that I know I am.

Chapter 13

I’ve never been the type of person to make a big deal out of much.

Championships are, probably, the only thing I’m on board with celebrating on larger scales.

Holidays in our house have always been more about the memories you’re making as opposed to the spectacle you’re putting on.

Come to think about it, that’s probably why celebrating my birthday isn’t the momentous occasion for me like it is for my boyfriend.

He once came to our private academy in a Cinderella-style, horse-drawn carriage on his birthday. In spite of his uniform, he made the rest of his ensemble resemble hers. He died his hair platinum blond. He wore a diamond studded tiara. He, somehow, shed glitter every step he took – something I distinctively remember hearing the janitorial staff bitch about the next day. The school was humored and impressed, just like they always were when it came to him and his antics. I think I was the only one wondering where the horses came from and was it safe to be riding in that shit in that much snow. I also spent the day looming nearby so my large presence would have those who thought they wanted to start shit or make fun of him to his face rethinking that decision. Crash has always loved the attention, though. He still loves attention. He still loves both positive and negative attention like he’s some neglected twelfth child instead of an only one with two adoring – albeit slightly enabling – parents who have strived to teach him to not only have confidence, but to have it be the best thing he’s wearing at all times. Crash’s style of living – where he center stages every moment he deems worthy of more than an IG post – is very contradictory to mine, although our parents had surprisingly similar systems for shaping us.

I’m an only child, too, that has two loving parents whose approach to raising me could be summed up in two words.

“That’s okay.”

They don’t seem like life-altering words, but they are. To grow up being constantly told it’s alright to feel shit, to look different, to be different, to want what you want, or need what you need, is remarkable. Most kids go through life being molded by the yes and the no that their parents have decided, which usually puts them in some box they never wanted to be in, leaving them to spend most of their college career rebelling and breaking out. Not having one or two people tell me constantly how to be, let me create myself.

It made the foundation of truth I stood on to be mine.

It made the choices and faults and mistakes…mine.

My life is mine.

Opting to have a birthday brunch at Eggcellent with my parents and my crew, instead of some all-out booze bender, was a better fit for me. Due to the nature in which I was raised, I didn’t feel guilty for having a low-key celebration. There was lots of laughing, pitchers of mimosas the guys kept encouraging their girls to drink, for obvious reasons, random facts thrown out about off the wall shit, and the most delicious quiche I’ve ever eaten in my entire fucking life. My parents paid for the whole meal – their gift to me – and my crew, including their girlfriends, chipped in together to get me a fancy fucking restaurant blender I immediately went home to clean and