Deep Wate - Sarah Epstein Page 0,36

worker reaches under the counter to retrieve a form. She talks it through with him, pointing at several places on the page. I can’t make out a word, and I’m about to give up and leave when she gestures for Mason to walk to the end of the counter. She reaches up to a bracket attached to the wall and pulls down a white screen.

I hurry to the front of the building and slip inside the entry doors. A greeting cards and gifts section is on my immediate right, and I position myself behind two rotating card racks. The postal worker is telling Mason where to stand, pointing at a masking tape cross on the carpet. He runs a hand through his blond hair and straightens to his full height. ‘Don’t smile,’ she tells him. ‘Passport photos need to show a neutral facial expression.’

My chest flutters. Passport? Do any of our other friends know about this? No one’s mentioned it. Where is Mason going? If he was avoiding the Criterion just now, perhaps he doesn’t want his mother knowing about it either. Why is it secret? Is he planning to go overseas without telling anyone?

Once the photo has been snapped, Mason waits near the counter for it to be processed. The postal worker murmurs a few more things I can’t hear in relation to the form. It must be the passport application. Mason glances over his shoulder a number of times while he’s waiting, and I hesitate behind the card racks, missing my chance to sneak back outside. It’s not long until the postal worker returns with a set of four small photos, which she slides into an envelope. Mason pays with cash and quickly turns to leave.

If he wasn’t scanning the store in such a paranoid manner, he wouldn’t have even noticed me in the gift section. As soon as his pace slows, I know I’ve been spotted. Our eyes meet and I see the reluctance in his, which is no doubt mirrored in my own: we’re going to have to acknowledge each other.

‘Hi,’ I say. I pick up the first card I see and pretend to read the message inside. ‘What are you up to?’

He doesn’t break eye contact as he subtly moves the form and photos behind his back. His tanned skin and freckles help disguise the faint bruising around his nose.

‘Not much,’ he says. ‘Paying the water bill.’

Liar.

I shove the card back in the rack and pull out another one. Surely he must know I saw him having the photo taken. Why would he lie about it?

‘What about you?’ he asks.

‘Shopping for a card.’

‘Whose birthday?’

I nearly say Henry’s name. His birthday is only a few days away so he’s the first person who comes to mind. Mason’s expression makes me think his mind has gone there too.

I shove the card back. ‘No one you’d know.’

It comes out sounding rude. An awkward silence follows and Mason shakes his head like he knows I’m not being truthful either. He turns to walk away, then changes his mind.

‘It feels like you’re always looking down your nose at me,’ he says. ‘You never used to be this hard to talk to.’

My neck grows hot. ‘I could say the same about you.’

‘What is it?’ he says. ‘What do you see in me that you don’t like?’

I swallow and look away.

‘Is it because of my mother?’ he presses. ‘Who we are? Our crappy house?’

‘What? Of course not.’

‘My father then. Everybody in this town knows he was violent. You think I’m like him, right? You think I’m capable of bad things.’

It’s too complex a question to answer. We’re all capable of bad things.

I don’t respond fast enough and Mason’s jaw clenches.

‘For years Henry’s fed you his version of what it’s like to live in our house,’ he says. ‘Have you ever once thought to ask me?’

‘Henry and I are close. He’s like a brother to me.’

‘He’s my brother,’ Mason snaps. ‘And you’ve known me for just as long. Why did you decide Henry was worth your time and I wasn’t?’

‘That’s not true, Mason.’

‘Really? ’Cause guess what? I like movie nights too.’

This catches me off-guard. I had no idea Mason wanted to be included in those nights. I thought he wanted space from Henry, and from me by association. When I think about what those movie nights meant for Henry – an escape from Ivy and the problems at home – perhaps I should have recognised that Mason needed that too. He had Rina,