Death's Excellent Vacation by Charlaine Harris & Toni L. P. Kelner

that we’d be back tomorrow night. If we still go, it would allow me to dig for more information, but there’s a chance it could prove dangerous to you.”

Tammy scoffed. “How dangerous? I’ve almost been electrocuted, shot, and eaten by a ghoul, remember?”

“If another vampire did decide to get involved with the contract on you, he or she could follow us back here and try to take you out,” I said quietly.

Tammy gave us a shrewd look. “And then you could catch them. Find out where my cousin is, I’d bet. I saw you in action against that ghoul, Cat. How about you, Bones? You’re a tough guy, right? Because I want this over. I want my life back.”

Fabian floated in the room. “I could be the lookout. No other vampire or ghoul would notice me. I’d help keep Tammy safe.”

Poor Fabian, he was right. Vampires and ghouls were notoriously disrespectful of ghosts. They ignored them more than most humans ignored homeless people.

“Thanks, Fabian,” I said. “We could really use your help.”

“It’s so weird when you do that,” Tammy muttered.

I hid a smile. Some part of me thought Tammy didn’t believe Fabian existed and that we just pretended to speak with him to mess with her.

“I’ll help protect her,” my mother said. Her face was closed off, as if she were fighting back memories. Once again, I hated what had been done to her because of me.

Bones rose from his chair. “All right. If we’re going to Bite tomorrow, it’s time you learn to defend yourself, Tammy.”

She gave him a startled look. “Isn’t that what I’m paying you two for?”

I didn’t correct Tammy by saying my uncle and his department were getting her money, not Bones or me. I hoped Don wasn’t taking Tammy to the cleaners, but he was a government official.

“You should still know basic skills. After all, you’re a pretty girl, and predators can have heartbeats, too.”

Tammy brightened at the compliment. I hid a smile. Flattery would make her much more accommodating, as Bones would know.

Bones went into the kitchen and came out with a steak knife. He dangled it in front of Tammy, who looked at it doubtfully.

“What do you expect me to do with this?”

“Stab me with it,” Bones replied. “In the heart.”

Her mouth hung open. It was the first time I’d seen her speechless. “You’re kidding?” she finally got out.

“You need to learn how to protect yourself against a vampire. Granted, your odds would be dismal, but your advantage is that no vampire would see you as a threat.”

“That’s how I managed to kill so many of them when I was your age,” I chimed in. “The element of surprise can save your life.”

Tammy looked at the knife again. “I don’t know . . .”

Bones let out an exasperated noise. “Justina, come here and show her how it’s done.”

My mother looked more surprised than Tammy had when the whole conversation began. I was taken aback, too.

“You want me to stab you?” my mother asked in disbelief.

Bones gave her an impish grin. “Come on, Mum. How many times have you dreamed about that?”

My mother got up, took the knife, and then stuck it right in the middle of Bones’s chest. He never flinched or moved to block her.

“See, Tammy, this is how most people would think to do it,” Bones said calmly. “But Justina knows the blade isn’t in deep enough, nor is it in the right place. The heart’s a bit to the left, not exactly in the center. And she didn’t twist the knife, which is what you must always, always do to kill a vampire, unless you’ve stabbed the heart with more than one knife.”

Bones took the knife out and handed it back to my mother. “Now, Justina, show her how it’s really done.”

My mother looked even more startled, but she took the blade, aimed more carefully this time, and shoved it in with a small shudder.

“Twist,” Bones said, as if this didn’t hurt him, which it would, even if steel through the heart wasn’t fatal. Only silver was.

My mother gave the blade a turn to the right. Bones caught her hand and jerked it, hard, in a ragged circle. Tammy gasped at the blood that stained his shirt.

“That’s how you do it,” he said, voice as neutral as if pain weren’t searing through him. I felt it, though, and it was all I could do not to yelp and demand he stop. “Rough, quick, and thorough, else you won’t get a

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