the powder and second dose of the potion are gone. And judging from the color that’s returned to Harrow’s cheeks, my concoctions worked.
“Careful, Luella, if you keep talking to me like that I may end up liking you.”
“The horror.”
He snorts. “I do find I prefer the company of people who treat me like shit.”
“And why is that?” I ask offhandedly, though I’m genuinely curious of the answer.
“Who knows? Maybe because I know I’m not worth anything better?” Harrow speaks as I finish the potion I started in the laboratory. A bundle of thyme turns to dust in my fingers as the liquid in the mug I’m holding shifts in color to a murky brown. Magic tingles on my palm. I have more control of my powers, I think, more confidence at the very least.
“That’s not true,” I say as I hand the mug to him. I sit on the edge of the bed. He eyes the movement, but doesn’t tell me to get out…which is progress I didn’t know I was after.
“What do you know?” he says, half hidden behind the mug.
“Everyone is worthy of decency. It’s why I’m helping you, after all.”
“And I bet you think you’re so much better than I am because of it.” He sneers. But the expression lacks the same kind of venom it once held. Or perhaps I’ve become immune to his particular brand of poison.
“I’m not better than anyone.” I sigh. “Though I wish I was better for myself.” If I was, I might have known I was the queen earlier. I might have been able to figure out a way to stop the cycle and fix the seasons of Midscape by now. I might have seen Eldas’s kindness. I might not be ignoring the stirrings in me toward him.
“Don’t we all?”
“So, what happened?” I divert the topic and my thoughts. “Tell me what actually happened to you this time.”
“So you can report to my brother?”
“It’ll stay between us. I swear it to you.” I look Harrow dead in the eyes.
“You swear it?” He arches his eyebrows.
“I take the relationship I have with my patients seriously, Harrow. You have my word I won’t tell Eldas—or anyone else—anything.”
“I guess I can believe that. You didn’t last time.” He sighs. “I…I may have involved myself with something I shouldn’t.”
“What?” I ask as he passes his mug between his palms.
“I can’t believe I’m telling a human this,” he mutters.
“I’m your healer; think of me that way and nothing more.”
“Right. Well…I don’t know how it happened. It wasn’t supposed to.”
“What happened?”
“A few weeks ago, I think I took glimmer for the first time. You have to believe me, it was completely by accident. I would’ve never sought out the stuff,” he says defensively.
“I don’t know what glimmer is.”
“Oh, right, human.” He rolls his eyes and I roll mine right back. “Glimmer is a…substance made by the fae. It heightens the connection with the Veil and, because of that, can improve elf magic. The sensation of power flowing through you is like none other. As if you’re halfway into the Beyond—halfway to the immortality we once had. Some people take it to perform incredible acts. Others…for pleasure.”
“Like you?”
“I told you, I didn’t intend to. Not originally…”
I frown. At the academy there were students who experimented with various substances, natural and created. Some I even heard of selling such things on the streets of Lanton. But I never gave the matter much attention, choosing instead to distance myself from the shadier acts as much as possible. My studies kept me from everything I couldn’t grow in dirt.
“We were at a party. People were having a good time. I think something was slipped into my drink. That must’ve been it. But after…I…I craved it. Just a little at a time. But the allure of the Veil is overwhelming.”
I resist frowning. I don’t want him to interpret my worry as judgment. Instead, I keep my face passive and listen.
“Plus, when I take it, I don’t think about anything. The world slips away into that hazy blue void.” Suddenly, anger flashes in his eyes. “Do you know what it’s like to hunt for your whole life for a place you can just exist?”
“Yes,” I answer honestly. He’s startled. “It’s something I’ve always pursued—a place of my own, built by my own hands—a corner of the world I can make my duty to look after. Not for the same reasons as you, Harrow…but I know that feeling.”