“I didn’t know the extent of the situation, not really. I just thought your brother was in a tough spot. I didn’t think about the politics that might be involved.” I slowly rise to my feet, allowing the world to spin and settle. My magic and body are both exhausted.
“It’s for the best,” he murmurs.
“What is?”
Eldas turns and his expression is unrecognizable. I haven’t seen those frigid eyes since our wedding. “That you’ll be leaving soon.”
“Do you mean that?” I whisper.
“Of course I do. It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You have an idea and based on what I’ve read of that journal, you’re not far off.” Eldas stares down at me. “You’ll no longer be needed here and you can go—be free of me. No king will ever have to suffer with a Human Queen again.”
“Stop this,” I whisper. Every word is like a physical wound, cutting me deeper than I thought possible. I’m shocked the floor isn’t bloody. “I know you’re upset and…you have a reason to be cross with me. But Eldas, I—”
“What do you feel for me?” He turns to face me as he turns my question back on me. I lean against the chair for stability. Otherwise I may be bowled over by his stare.
“You never answered that either,” I remind him weakly.
“If you asked, then you may have some kind of idea of what I might feel.” Eldas gathers his height. “But I want to know about you, Luella. What do you feel for me? Do you love me?”
Every pore, every raw part of my essence screams, yes! But my lips don’t move. They quiver silently and my eyes burn. Yes, say yes, Luella. But if I say yes now…I will always doubt myself.
“Tell me, Luella, do you love me?” His voice takes on an almost begging note.
I press my lips harder together, fighting every instinct. My mind is at war with my heart. My better sense of duty to Capton and Midscape against an impulsive streak these feelings have brought out in me. Silence is the best thing for us, even if he doesn’t see it now.
“Tell me now or I will wash my hands of you for good.”
How can I make him understand? “Eldas, I—”
“Yes or no, do you love me?” His voice raises a fraction.
I watch as he shatters under my silence and hesitation.
“No. Of course not. Who could?” He chuckles sadly and shakes his head. “I already suspected you didn’t, given the secrets you chose to keep.”
“Eldas, it’s not that simple.”
“But it is.” He skewers me with a look and I can’t breathe. “It’s a simple question, with a simple answer. Your actions and everything you can’t say have told me all I need to know.”
“I wanted to—our situation is—we can’t be certain—I have to go to know—” It’s impossible for me to form a cohesive sentence. The world is rumbling under my feet. I hear the groans and stress fractures spiderwebbing out around me. Make him understand, I have to make him understand. But when I need words most, they all fail me, even the frantic kind. “Eldas—”
He shuts the door behind him. The soft click of the latch engaging strikes me like a drum. I sway and then rush to the door and yank it open. But I already know what awaits me—an empty hall.
He’s gone.
Chapter 35
Eldas returns to Quinnar alone. He Fadewalks without so much as a word to me. I find out through Drestin that he’s gone and that’s really the biggest jab of them all. The carriage back is as cold and lonely as the castle halls that await me. Not even Hook’s presence can ward off the chill. I spend the hours having a long debate with myself on what I could have, or should have, done differently along the way.
When Quinnar’s castle is visible in the distance, rising up in line with the mountaintops and towering over the fields, I’m not sure of what I feel. A part of me is oddly nostalgic for the place. Another part of me would rather be anywhere other than this carriage, drawing nearer and nearer.
Rinni is waiting for me as the carriage comes to a stop before the castle’s tunnel entry.
“What happened?” she asks—no, demands.
“Harrow—”
“I know what happened with Harrow. I am Eldas’s general, so of course he told me about that.” Rinni steps over to me, hooking her elbow with mine and leading me to the doors. Hook follows closely behind. Her voice drops