nostalgic self-indulgence. After Marcia’s wedding, however, she began to brood on her marital status and decided to apply for a Church annulment of her marriage to Andrew, on the grounds that they were both too emotionally and psychologically immature at the time to understand what marriage entailed. It seemed to me that the same might be said of at least fifty per cent of people who marry young, including Maisie and myself, but I didn’t say so, because I could see that restoring her good standing in the Church mattered a great deal to Fred.The process took a long time, entailing interviews by clerics with her mother and siblings to confirm that she had been emotionally and psychologically immature at the time of her marriage. The family of course was happy to cooperate. Andrew, remarried and no longer a practising Catholic, was initially reluctant to admit to his youthful immaturity, but he agreed for the sake of maintaining good relations with his children by Fred, and eventually the annulment was granted. I wondered how the children really felt about it, and questioned Fred on this point. Didn’t the annulment make them illegitimate? She said no, legitimacy was a civil legal concept. As far as the law was concerned she and Andrew were truly married and their offspring legitimate, but in the eyes of God they hadn’t been married even though they thought they were, and everybody else including the priest who married them thought they were, because a fundamental requirement for a valid marriage had not been met. I teased her a little: ‘So really Andrew didn’t commit adultery when he had it off with those other women, because he wasn’t really married?’ ‘Of course he committed adultery, ’ Fred said testily. ‘That’s why I divorced him. Don’t be silly darling.’ ‘Adultery in the eyes of the law, perhaps, but what about in the eyes of God?’ I said. ‘Him too,’ Fred said, with a steely look in her eyes. I didn’t argue the point any further. It seemed obvious to me that the annulment process, which has recently become much more liberal and accessible than in the past, when only people rich and powerful enough to pull strings in the Vatican could get one, is a device for getting round the Catholic Church’s historic opposition to divorce without appearing to contradict it, but since the effect is humane I wasn’t going to make an issue of it. I even agreed to go through a form of marriage service at Fred’s parish church - a quiet, private ceremony, with only Marcia and her husband present as witnesses - though I felt a bit foolish making the vows we had inserted into our registry office wedding all over again. ‘Do you feel any different?’ I asked Fred afterwards. ‘Yes, of course, darling,’ she said. ‘You mean, you didn’t really feel we were married before?’ I said. ‘No, of course not - I mean, yes, of course I did. It’s just that now I feel . . . right. At peace.’
I was baptised in the C of E but didn’t have a religious upbringing. Mum taught me to say my prayers at bedtime when I was a child, and took me to church at Christmas and Easter, but that was about it; Dad claimed - and still does occasionally - to believe in God, but never set foot in a church except for weddings and funerals. I attended a grammar school which went in for religious assemblies and encouraged pupils on the arts side to take Scripture at GCE O-level, and most of what I know about Christianity derives from that education and studying English literature, especially Milton and James Joyce, at university. I envy religious people their belief and at the same time I resent it. Surveys have shown that they have a much better chance of being happy than those whose belief systems are totally secular - and you can understand why. Everyone’s life contains some sadness, suffering and disappointment, and they are much easier to accept if you believe there’s another life to come in which the imperfections and injustices of this one will be made good; it also makes the business of dying itself a much less depressing prospect. That’s why I envy religious believers. There are of course no firm foundations for their belief, but you’re not allowed to point this out without seeming rude, aggressive and disrespectful - without in fact seeming to attack their right