says that yes, they targeted your apartment—broke the lock, entered, started ransacking it. And then they were attacked by a monster. That’s exactly what he said—a monster. With fangs and claws. A furry one. Standing on its hind legs—the size of a man.”
Aspirin thought about the pit bull. “It’s delirium tremens, clearly.”
He didn’t think it was clear, at all.
The police didn’t seem to think so either. “What about the weapon?” the younger police officer asked again.
“I have no idea. Did they attack each other?” Aspirin said.
“Why would they do that?”
“How else do you explain all this . . . mess!”
“Don’t worry,” Alyona said cheerfully, standing at the threshold, as usual. “I will wash up everything, it’ll be like new.”
She pressed her teddy bear closer to her chest.
“Brave kid,” the senior officer murmured. “You’re lucky she was outside.”
“Yes,” Aspirin said. “Quite lucky.”
“Is your apartment equipped with a security system?” the younger officer asked.
“Yes. But I forgot to turn it on.”
“That’s a shame.” The senior officer sounded judgmental. “It’s because of forgetful people such as yourself—”
“What? I asked for this?”
The officer shrugged. “You might as well have left the door open.”
“And that explains all the blood?” Aspirin was starting to get angry.
Another shrug. “Just saying.” The senior officer looked down at his notes. “By the way, where is your dog?”
“I’ve never had dogs. Or cats, or birds, or hamsters,” Aspirin stated.
“You don’t like animals, do you?”
“I am a busy man. I feel compassion for living creatures, and I don’t want to lock anyone in an empty apartment.” Aspirin rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t understand this, though—I pay monthly dues for the concierge . . . why wasn’t he watching? How’d these guys get into the building?”
“Could have posed as delivery guys. Just buzzed at random until someone let them in. Happens enough. But that’s why you use a personal security system,” the senior officer said, reproach in his voice.
“This one guy put a security system on his car,” the younger officer said, reminiscing, “and if there was an unauthorized start of the engine, a four-inch steel spike popped out of the driver’s seat. And this one time, this kid broke the lock, got into the car, started the engine—”
“Why are you telling me this? You caught the men, so why don’t you look for their ‘monster,’” Aspirin snarled. “Fur flying all over the place. Paw prints. Maybe my neighbors saw something, or the concierge noticed a beast running around. Damn it, I have this disaster on my hands—my apartment was broken into, I feel violated—and you’re blaming me?”
“No one is blaming you,” the senior officer mumbled.
The younger one looked away.
“I refuse to believe it.”
“Why?”
“Because the moment I allow for the possibility of a toy teddy bear killing a dog on a street corner, and then slicing up a couple of thugs, then I might as well believe anything. Witches, psychics, Harry Potter, Father Frost . . .”
“No one is asking you to believe in Father Frost,” Alyona said. “That’s just silly. May I have something to eat? I only had two chocolates from the concierge since this morning.”
Aspirin dug up a package of pelmeni from the freezer and put a pot of water on the stove. He noticed how clean the table was. It was sparkling. Aspirin himself never cleaned that thoroughly.
“May I have some more honey?” Alyona asked shyly.
“For Mishutka?” Aspirin said. “To help him disembowel people?”
“Don’t encourage him,” Alyona looked down. “If they hadn’t locked themselves up in the bedroom, he would have disemboweled them for sure. He’s got an instinct.”
“It’s a miracle that he didn’t attack the police.” Aspirin tossed the pelmeni into the boiling water. “Does he have that much respect for the authorities?”
“I was there when they entered the apartment,” Alyona said. “And I yelled for him not to be afraid.”
“For him not to be afraid?”
“I know he looks big and scary, but he really is a gentle bear.” Aspirin couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of this animal being afraid.
She sniffed. “I know it’s funny to you . . .”
“Funny? This whole thing is absurd!”
“Not what happened today,” she said with disdain. “That’s just a bear acting like a bear, yet you have trouble believing in an incident as common as this was. Meanwhile, the real miracle that had happened right in front of your eyes—that you didn’t even notice. And it didn’t surprise you in the least. It didn’t surprise you that he didn’t take me back with him. He let