"Yeah, sure." He shook out his arms, refusing to turn toward the water to see what she was doing. "I'm good."
The most deadly and almost-rogue member of the Order of the Blade shot him a skeptical look as he folded his arms over his chest. "Are you? Because you still look like shit."
"Thanks. You do, too."
A brief grin flashed over Ryland's face. "That's because I'm a totally fucked-up bastard. I'm okay with it. I got no girl to impress." He jerked his chin toward the ocean. "She's getting away, in case you hadn't noticed."
Against his instincts, Ian glanced toward the water. Alice was swimming hard out into the open ocean. The waves were rough, whitecaps rising high out of the water. Further away from her, the water was quiet, but all around her, it was rough, as if the ocean had decided to make her way a little more difficult.
Damn. What was it with this woman and the ocean?
Not that he could let it matter to him. His only chance was to figure out how to stop worrying about her, and divest himself of the need to take responsibility for her. Or to imagine her naked. Or to think of kissing her. Or to recall what it felt like to make love to her.
Shit. He was really not doing a good job at forgetting the girl, was he? Ian let out his breath, steeling himself against the sight of her putting herself in danger. His happy place was a lot harder to find now that Alice had gotten to him. "Figures I had to get paired with a woman who won't bond with me and who keeps trying to get herself killed." If she'd been uncomplicated and simply fallen into his arms and let him keep her safe, his plan would have worked. Finding her would have helped him.
But she was not the woman he needed, and it was a mistake to hook up with her.
"She's not trying to get herself killed," Ry replied. "She's on a mission. I admire that. And the fact she thinks you're a pain in the ass she doesn't want around? She's a smart woman, seems to me."
"You're the pain in the ass." Ian narrowed his eyes as he watched her lithe body stroking through the water. There was a focused determination in her movements, and her gaze was fixed on one of the huge black rocks jutting out of the water a few hundred yards from the beach. He shifted restlessly as she neared it, willing her to make it safely to the rock, willing himself not to dive into the water and chase after her again.
He had to let her go.
Ryland was on alert beside him, and Ian knew his teammate was equally primed to go after her if she needed help. "She's sure a firestorm," Ry said. "I'm digging on her."
"Shut up." Because getting jealous would really help his mental state.
Ian ground his jaw as Alice reached the base of the rock. She dug her fingers into the porous volcanic rock and hauled herself out of the water. The muscles in her delicate arms flexed as she crawled up the steep incline, her hair streaming behind her. "I buried her three times. I watched the demons take her soul. It's not easy to forget that."
"I know." Ry's voice was soft. "Trust me, I know."
Ian glanced at Ryland in surprise, wondering who had died in the warrior's life. But before he could question him, the images of Alice's deaths flashed through his mind. Too real. Too visceral. Too debilitating. Those thoughts were really not helping his cause.
Ian ground his jaw, fighting to distance himself from the agony of losing her. He focused on her as she crested the rock, drinking in the glint of the turquoise moonlight on her wet hair. He breathed deeply, inhaling her scent even from a distance. She was alive. In front of him. Not dead. Not right now. See? It was a rosy day on the beach, right? All good.
As he watched her, he felt himself beginning to separate from her as he rebuilt the walls that had protected him from the curse. The emotional shields that had kept him from noticing any female, let alone bonding with one.
"Hey." Ryland glanced sharply at him. "You going to go get her or what?"
"Nope." Ian knew he had no choice. "She's alive. I saved her. My job's done."