darkened blade_ A fallen blade novel - Kelly McCullough Page 0,46
to check?”
“Kelos, we both know he’s gone, but why don’t you go take a look. If he’s still here, he’s a colder man than I imagined and too dangerous for any of the apprentices. I want someone who can handle him to deal with the problem.”
“He’s not here,” said Kelos, but then he nodded and ducked out through the door.
As he went, I saw Altia waiting patiently in the hall in case she was needed. When we had arrived at the council chamber she’d simply handed me the tray and taken up station with her back to the wall before it had even occurred to me to think about whether she ought to be in where the decisions were made. When I thanked her again for taking care of me, she’d looked a bit embarrassed and repeated her earlier comment about my being her khan. It wasn’t exactly proper Blade doctrine, but then, the temple was gone and if we were going to survive as an order there would have to be many changes in doctrine.
I turned back to Roric once the door was closed. “You didn’t get to finish your temple training and you were never sent into the field, so you didn’t get to learn the most important lessons. The things that only experience can teach.” I held up a finger. “One, the plan always goes wrong.” Another finger. “Two, you never know how it will go wrong until it happens. Three, don’t panic when it all goes in the shit, and don’t get angry—you don’t have time for any of that. Four, cut your losses and move on. Do it smart, do it now, and don’t look back until it’s all over. That’s how I can be cold about it.”
“But . . .”
“No buts. I fucked up. Badly. People died. I can wallow, or I can salvage what I can from the situation. Jax reminded me of that rather forcefully earlier. I have some idea what it cost her to do that and I am not going to throw that away. Later—if I have a later after I do what I can to deal with all the problems in front of me right now—I’ll take my pain out of its box and wallow in it. Until then, I can’t afford the luxury.”
Roric nodded and I could see him forcing a return of his usual calm. “Thank you for the lesson, First Blade. I think I have some idea of what it cost you.”
He’s about five times as sharp as he appears, isn’t he? sent Triss.
He is that. Those who survived the fall of the temple and escaped the Hand did so because they were the best of their generation. You know, I think he even echoed me back just now for the right reasons.
The door opened and Jax came through. “Is Kelos off to check on Chomarr?”
“You think it was him as well.”
She nodded. “If it’s not Chomarr it’s Kelos himself, and I think that you and Siri are right about him. We can trust Kelos as long as killing the Son of Heaven is your plan and until you’ve carried it out. His insane focus on bringing the whole system down is the only thing that makes any sense of his motivations so far.”
“I’m glad that you believe me.”
Jax laughed. “You’re a sentimentalist, but you’re also damned smart. Mind, I wouldn’t buy it if Siri hadn’t also been convinced. She doesn’t have a sentimental bone in her body, and she will have gotten to her conclusions in a very different way. Of course, I think that young Faran is right as well and that Kelos really ought to be killed now. No matter how useful he is. He’s too dangerous to leave alive.”
“There’s that,” I said. “But I’ll need his help if I’m going to face the Son of Heaven and have any chance of getting out alive afterward. Especially now. Chomarr knew that Devin had thrown in with Toragana’s plot. Which means that Devin is either dead, imprisoned, or fled. We aren’t going to have anybody on the inside to help us out. Kelos is the only one we have left who really knows the inside of the temple precinct in depth. We have to have him or this just won’t work.”
Jax nodded, her expression grim. “That’s why I haven’t let anyone kill him in his sleep, though I’ve had several offers. You might piss me off, but Siri’s right that you’re our best bet