Trey’s direction. “Are you kidding me right now? What difference does it make?”
“Have you?” he insists.
“Yes,” I whisper.
His reaction is violent; he reaches for my throat and tears the ribbon choker from my neck. He crushes the copperclaw in his fist before throwing it onto the floor. “You were mine!”
“Tell me not to do this and I’ll be yours still.”
“I can’t do that,” he says wretchedly.
“You’re so bad for me, Trey,” I reply, shaking my head. “Your Boy Scout bullshit is bad for me. You brought me here to Ethar! I begged you not to, but you wouldn’t listen to me! You promised to protect me and you couldn’t. I saved your life from Giffen, so you don’t get to judge me for how I chose to survive losing you.”
“I’ve never felt more sorry for finding you than I do in this moment.”
“I’m a world ender, Trey. You should be sorry.”
“I promise to protect your consort Kyon,” Trey says like I cut his heart out. “When do we get that plan to kill Excelsior?”
“I’ll start on it tonight. When I have something, I’ll come to Giffen in New Amster, like I already said I would. You can tell him that. He’ll know what I mean.”
Trey gets up from the divan, making it clear that he can’t wait to get away from me. He walks to the door of the aircraft and doesn’t look back. Wayra doesn’t know what to say to me. So he doesn’t say anything, he just follows Trey out. Jax is slower, his shoulders rounded. “I’m sorry . . . for my part in all this, Kricket. If any of us had known what would happen when this started, things would’ve been different. If it means anything to you, I’d like you to know that I think you’re the bravest Etharian I’ve ever met.” He turns to leave.
“It means something to me, Jax,” I say in a choked voice. “Can I ask you for a favor?”
“Yes.”
“Will you tell Trey and Wayra, after this is all over, that I did love them?”
“They know.”
I nod because I can’t speak right now without crying. Jax leaves and Giffen reboards the aircraft. “Your guards will come to soon. Our nepenthe, Sanham, has wiped their memories of tonight. You can explain what happened to them any way you want to, but you can’t mention New Amster or us.”
“Is that it?” I ask. I can’t look him in the eye. I just have to get through the next couple of minutes and then I can fall apart.
“That’s it, fighter,” Giffen answers.
“Why do you call me that?”
“Because I’ve never lost anything betting on you.” I watch as he has my unconscious security team brought back into the aircraft and spread out on the floor.
CHAPTER 15
HIGH KINGS
Keenan groans next to me, vomiting on the floor of the Hallafast as he becomes conscious. He sits up and looks around in confusion. When he sees me sitting numbly on the sofa, he rises and stumbles to my side. “Are you okay?” he asks with concern, trying to regain his composure.
I’m close to tears, but I reel them in. “You of all people should never ask me that question,” I reply.
He looks at me suspiciously. “What happened? Did you do this?”
I shake my head and raise my shaky hand to my brow. I don’t have to pretend to be scared. I am scared.
He helps me up from my seat. The other guards are beginning to regain consciousness as well. All of a sudden, it’s a pukefest inside the cabin of the Hallafast as my bodyguards suffer the same kind of nausea I had endured upon waking. Keenan ushers me to the door and helps me descend the stairs. “You should go see if anyone needs your help inside,” I tell him. “I’m okay.”
“I should stay with you,” he objects. “Do you want me to take you to your room?”
“No, I won’t be able to sleep. I’d like to go to Kyon’s study and wait for him to return.”
“Are you sure?” he asks. “Maybe I should take you to the medical facility instead. You look like you’re going to fall down.”
“I’d rather go to the study. There’s a sofa there. I can rest on it if I need to.”
He doesn’t argue with me further, and takes me to Kyon’s study. Once there, he orders Oscil to stoke the fire and makes me sit in the emerald chair Kyon had been sitting in earlier. “I’m going to call Fulton. I