The dark side of the sun - By Terry Pratchett Page 0,30

from Eggplant. He let go quickly, and stroked Ig.

‘I don’t begin to understand,’ he said, flatly. ‘To me it sounds like Jargon.’

‘JARGON?’

Hrsh-Hgn turned to the Bank. ‘Nonsense,’ he explained. ‘In Sadhimist tradition God invented it to foresstall the firsst attempt at intersstellar travel. To prevent scientissts from understanding each other, you understand. You will find it mentioned in the Newer Testament.’

The pinpoints swam into a new position. The robot extension gave a mechanical gurgle.

‘AH YES. AS WE SPREAD OUR CIRCUITRY LESS ESSENTIAL INFORMATION ...YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS.’

The Jokers did not show up on p-math. It was as if they never existed. P-math offered no explanation for the towers or the other artefacts. Wherever the Jokers had been they left a shadow in the equations.

Dom’s future was sure for twenty-seven standard days.

‘That’s something to look forward to,’ said Dom. ‘How about giving me a little hint about its whereabouts?’

‘EVERY INHABITED BODY IN THE HOME BUBBLE HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY EXPLORED. I SUGGEST A FRUITFUL FIELD OF EXPLORATION IS YOUR OWN MIND. HOWEVER, YOU MAY CARE TO SEEK OUT HIM WHO LIVES ON BAND. HE IS OLD. HE HAS MET THE JOKERS.’

‘But Band is unoccupied except by sundogs – it’s been proved it could never develop a higher lifeform.’

‘I HAVE SAID TOO MUCH.’

‘Well, will you work on the problem of my assassin?’

The Bank paused. ‘YES.’

‘Charge it to my personal account.’

‘I WILL DO SO. IT IS A PITY YOU WERE NOT HERE EARLIER. THE GREATEST AUTHORITY ON THE JOKERS, AND CERTAINLY THE MOST INCISIVE MIND IN THE GALAXY, WAS HERE.’

The atmosphere was perceptibly warmer. Dom relaxed. The Bank was hiding something, though.

‘I thought you were the most incisive mind in the galaxy,’ he said.

‘A COMMON MISTAKE. ALAS, I AM NO MORE INTELLIGENT THAN THE AVERAGE CREAP, OR HUMAN GENIUS. MY BULK ALLOWS, SHALL WE SAY, FOR BREADTH OF INTELLIGENCE RATHER THAN HEIGHT. I WAS REFERRING TO CHARLES SUB-LUNAR.’

“‘Poet, polymath, soldier of fortune”,’ quoted Dom. ‘Was he the man I saw in the hotel? Scarred, he was, with an early Class One robot?’

‘HE DOES NOT ALLOW HIS LIKENESS TO BE PUBLISHED,’ said the Bank, and there was a hint of laughter in the voice.

‘Uhuh. I’m getting the hang of things. I don’t think seeing him was an accident. I thought he recognized me. He looked rather self-satisfied, so ...’

‘DOM, BECAUSE YOU ARE MY GODSON I WILL RETAIL TO YOU A CERTAIN FACT. YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS AT THIS MOMENT IN ORBIT ABOVE US, REQUESTING CLEARANCE TO LAND.’

A screen by the robot’s arm flashed into life and Dom saw the familiar shape of his grandmother’s personal MFTL barge Drunk With Infinity drifting against the stars.

‘SHE HAS JUST REFERRED TO ME AS, I QUOTE, A “DISEASED BALL OF ROCK”.’

‘I’m not certain I want to meet her,’ said Dom.

‘Mysself neither, my word!’

‘THIS COULD BE EXCITING.’ A panel in the rock wall ground back. ‘THIS IS AN INSPECTION SHAFT. LEAVE THIS WAY. WHERE WILL YOU GO WHEN YOU LEAVE ME?’

‘To Band, then, to see this person who is old.’

‘AS OLD AS THE HILLS, AS OLD. . .’ The Bank paused. There was no sound, but Dom got the distinct impression it was laughing. ‘… AS THE SEA. MOVE!’

Take the Creapii.

Take them as the Jokers. It was an old theory.

They were an ancient race, and they were adaptable. Literally so.

Once there had only been one kind of Creap, the silicon-oxygen Creaps of low degree, living in barbarism and molten phosphorous sulphides on a small world hugging close to the fires of one of the 70 Ophiuchis. Seventeen light years away, a brighter than average ape was seeing real possibilities in banging two stones together.

The Creapii were kindly, patient, and intensely curious. They were also pathologically humble. When they spread into space, they changed the Creap to fit the situation.

Half a million years of gene manipulation and radical molecular restructuring produced the middle-degree Creaps, based on a silicon-carbon bond, a dynamic species that lived happily enough at 500°. Soon afterwards the vats stabilized the intricate aluminium-silicon polymers of the High-Degrees, the ones that occasionally floated their rafts on cool stars.

There were others, including even a boron subspecies. Wherever a star warmed a rock beyond the melting point of tin, there was a Creap to bask in its beneficence.

The Creapii had a long history. They sought knowledge as other, cooler animals sought game. They were polite, and gentlemanly in their dealings. They mixed well. They lived in heat, but had no sexes.

Dom had liked Hrsh-Hgn’s theory.

There are many binaries in the galaxy.