The Dark Side - Danielle Steel Page 0,46
by everyone.” Zoe nodded but didn’t comment at first.
“It’s all water over the dam now. I’m not that sad, lost kid anymore. I’m a wife and a mom, with a child of my own. My only fear is that she’ll get leukemia like my sister, and our whole world will come crashing down.” Cathy didn’t see it the way Zoe did. The years of emotional pain Zoe had lived with had to have left deep emotional scars, and she thought therapy would have helped her at any point in time, even now, to resolve the past. She was amazed that she had never sought counseling, and had dealt with it on her own. In her opinion, performing open heart surgery on oneself would have been easier than surviving that kind of trauma without help.
“I’ll order the bloodwork on Jaime, and then you can put that fear out of your mind.” They both commented that Jaime seemed to be navigating being two better, and had had no injuries in several months.
Zoe felt so relieved after talking to Cathy that she mentioned the blood tests they were going to do on Jaime to Austin that night. The moment she said it, he looked panicked.
“Oh my God, is something wrong?”
“No, not at all. She’s fine, or she appears to be. My sister was a few months older when she got sick, with no warning. It’s always worried me, if I had a child. I just want to know concretely that she’s fine. This is about my history, not about anything Cathy or I have observed. I just want to stop worrying about it.” He looked calmer after she said it, but unhappy nonetheless.
“It’s too bad she has to get a blood test just to reassure you.” He didn’t really approve of it, but he understood. “Did Cathy think that it’s okay?” He trusted her completely with their daughter’s health.
“She said it won’t do her any harm, and it’s important to me.”
“I wish there was some other way to put your mind at ease.”
“There isn’t,” she said softly. “I want her to get the tests.” She was definite about it, and he saw that he couldn’t change her mind.
“You’re not hiding anything from me?”
“I promise I’m not.” He nodded and they finished dinner, but it preyed on Austin’s mind afterward. Getting a blood test for symptoms Jaime didn’t have, just for her mother’s comfort level, seemed unreasonable to him. But he didn’t object.
Since there was no rush, Jaime went to the lab and had the blood test two days later, and she cried when they did it, but Zoe bought her a toy afterward. She picked a baby doll with a bottle and a diaper, and its own bathtub, and she slept with it that night, after giving it a bath. She told her father all about the blood test when he came home. And when the tests came back, predictably, they were fine. Jaime was perfect, a totally healthy little girl, and Zoe slept peacefully that night, as she hadn’t in years, and dreamt of Rose.
* * *
—
Zoe was increasingly busy at the shelter in the following months. They had been able to obtain three new grants, and one large bequest from a private donor, which made life both easier and more difficult. The influx of money expanded their budget and allowed them to hire more staff, which always brought problems in its wake. Some of them were wonderful additions, others were challenging to work with. But Zoe always balanced her responsibilities at work to perfection, and had flawless judgment about people and plans. She knew how to organize, encourage, and control her staff and kept a tight grip on the reins. She spent time with each of the children who came through their doors, and worked closely with Austin on the abuse and custody cases he was handling for them, as well as the other attorneys whose services they required.
She managed to keep all the balls of her complex job in the air, and never dropped a single one. And her relationship with the children at the shelter was compassionate and strong. She knew their histories and their names, and they all loved her. Oddly, she was always less sure of herself with her own child, which she shared with Cathy privately one day over lunch. After two and a half years of motherhood, she still questioned all of her decisions, and constantly second-guessed herself, which she never did at