“If she winds up headfirst in the toilet, it will be because she fell in, not because she decided to put her head in the toilet.”
“Do you realize how crazy this sounds?” he said, frustrated beyond belief. “You gave a beautiful birthday party for her,” he said, changing the subject and she looked at him, still angry at his mother for causing the problem by bringing it to his attention.
“Thank you,” she said icily. “I thought so too, and I enjoyed it, until all this came up.”
“Why don’t we just let it go? The stuff is put away. That’s good enough.” He tried to be pleasant about it to calm her down.
“Good enough for who? Your mother? Is she coming back to check?” Zoe was being nasty about it, which she often did when she was wrong.
“No, good enough for me, Zoe. If that matters to you.” He sounded so sad as he said it that she felt bad, and walked out of the room. She looked unhappy too. They had left Jaime alone the whole time they were arguing, and they went to look for her and found her in her room, playing with her toys. She looked like a dark-haired cherub as she gazed innocently up at them.
“Did you like your birthday party?” Austin asked her as she nodded with a smile.
“Cake…blow…I’m two.” She held up two fingers then, to show how old she was. She was irresistible, she was so cute, and even her five male cousins had thought so. They didn’t see her often, but they liked her.
One of his brothers lived in New Jersey, and the other in Connecticut, in the suburbs. He and Zoe had agreed that they wanted to live in town, even with a child. It was more stimulating for them, and would be for Jaime one day. They lived in an apartment on Charles Street instead of a house out of the city, but they didn’t need more than that with only one child. Having only one was a decision they had stuck with and were glad they’d made. They both knew they couldn’t have handled more, and didn’t want to try. Jaime was enough for them. He had started later than his brothers. Austin had just turned forty-four, and Zoe was thirty-six, and didn’t want to be pregnant again or go through the early months with a newborn and all that it entailed. Jaime was easy now.
Zoe gave Jaime a bath after the party, and Austin read her a story and put her to bed. They ate leftover sandwiches from the birthday party, and Zoe was still chilly when they went to bed. His mother’s criticism and interference had rankled her, and she didn’t like Austin’s reaction to it. But neither of them brought it up again.
They watched TV in bed for a while without speaking, and he finally put an arm around her and tried to pull her closer, but she resisted him. It always took her longer to get over their arguments. She viewed them as betrayals, particularly this time with his mother involved and Zoe’s policies in question.
“I hate fighting with you,” he said gently, and she didn’t answer for a minute.
“Then don’t.” It sounded simple but it wasn’t, and it always amazed him that he could love someone so much, respect her profoundly, and disagree with her so vehemently at times, particularly about their child. She had very different ideas than he did about freedom and respect and what to teach them, even though their fundamental values were the same about morality and honesty, and good and bad.
“I like your dad a lot,” he said to change the subject.
“He means well, although he made some tough decisions a long time ago, but they were right for him. It almost killed my mom when he left her, though. I think he was drowning with her. I can see now that Pam is better for him, although I didn’t see it then. They just up and left when they moved to Santa Barbara. They always invited me to come and visit, but my mom made it clear that if I went, I was betraying her, so I stopped going. My parents had a lot of baggage after Rose. She doesn’t talk about it, but I think my mom still does. I don’t think you ever get over losing a child. She didn’t, although I think she’s better now.” Austin nodded, not sure what to