The Dark Side - Danielle Steel Page 0,18
weight, and normal babies vomited. He told her too that he considered the monitor she was using inefficient and unnecessary, but Zoe planned to continue using it anyway, as a safeguard. Although the constant false alarms were unnerving, she had a belt and suspenders approach to motherhood, and wanted to do everything possible to keep Jaime safe. She had the feeling that the gastroenterologist found her anxious and neurotic, but she really didn’t care, if it was for Jaime’s benefit.
She told Austin about the visit after the fact, and he looked shocked.
“Why didn’t you tell me before you went?” He looked mildly hurt that she hadn’t, and most of all surprised.
“I didn’t want to worry you. I just wanted to get her thoroughly checked out. I thought Cathy Clark was a little casual about it. It seemed better to see a specialist and be sure that Jaime is okay.” He was sure that her over-diligence, as he considered it, was due to her sister’s early death and didn’t want to bring it up. Losing a sister to leukemia at seven, while Zoe was only ten herself, had to have marked her, and given her a fear of illness in young children. He knew how her sister’s illness and death had decimated her family, so he didn’t fault her for being overzealous, but he would have liked to have known about a medical visit for their child, and to share Zoe’s concerns, whether well-founded or not. But his happiness to hear that the baby was fine overrode any objections he might have had, and he didn’t make an issue of it.
He had lunch with both his brothers once he went back to work, and marveled at how calm they were about their children. He shared how anxious Zoe was, how difficult the nursing had been so far, and how everything in their lives had changed. To some degree, he felt he had lost his wife, and they were only partners in a challenging venture now, like climbing Everest. And Zoe’s hypervigilance was stressful. Their previously sexy, loving, playful relationship had disappeared. Zoe had become a one-person police force to protect their child, on duty 24/7.
His brothers were impressed by the apnea incident a few weeks before, and said that nothing that dramatic had ever happened to any of their kids at that age. They also commented that their wives were less perfectionistic than Zoe, and more relaxed, which was part of it. Austin admitted that a month into fatherhood, he could no longer imagine having more than one child, which they thought was too bad. They each enjoyed having several, even his brother with twins. They both suggested that if Jaime were to be an only child, Zoe might become too obsessive about her. She might be calmer with two.
“Or twice as anxious,” Austin said with a rueful grin. He barely recognized his wife now. “She’s read every book on the planet about child rearing, and has very definite ideas. Her younger sister died of leukemia when Zoe was ten, so she’s very nervous about health issues. She has a million theories about everything.” It sounded to both his brothers like he had a long rocky road ahead of him, but they didn’t want to be critical of his wife, whom they all liked. Zoe was a terrific woman, just a little intense for them, but Austin didn’t seem to mind it, and she was an expert in the field of child abuse, which was compatible with his interests and career too. They were happy for him that he had a baby now. They all loved the idea of the cousins being close as they grew up, and it was going to be fun having a little girl in their midst, with all the boys.
The nights were long at their apartment, with Zoe sitting up with Jaime, keeping a close eye on her, vigilant about another episode of apnea, and only dozing off herself between frequent feedings. Jaime wasn’t sleeping through the night yet at two months, and Zoe insisted she was going to continue using the monitor for the first year, just to be safe. It finally led Austin to sleep in the small guest room he used as a home office when he brought work home on a case. There was no way he could get a full night’s sleep with Zoe sitting up all night, the baby crying, the alarm going off randomly, and a light