Dark Secrets Unveiled (The Children of the Gods #45) - I.T. Lucas Page 0,9

she could do better than most people, so why bother, but a big part of it was her conviction that no one had her back, and that she was on her own.

It hadn’t been only in her mind either.

Even though her expectations of people were very low to start with, they still managed to disappoint her time and again.

People were selfish, fearful, and mostly indifferent.

Not that she was any better, but sometimes Eleanor wondered if it was the chicken or the egg that came first, and whether she was that way because of how she’d been treated, or she’d been treated badly because of the way she’d behaved toward others.

Perhaps subconsciously, she’d made sure to be unworthy because she’d been let down too many times. Believing that she’d been treated like a pariah because she’d earned it was better than having no reason for it at all.

Leaning on the pillows stacked against her headboard, Eleanor opened the device. It was already cued in with Greggory’s number on the screen. All she had to do was to press the green call button, but her finger refused to close the distance.

“Don’t be such a damn chicken, Eleanor.” She let her head drop back.

Greggory would probably disappoint her just as everyone else had done. She should just get it over with and find out one way or another. He wasn’t the only fish in the sea, and if he didn’t want her, others would.

“Since when were you such a coward?”

Since she’d found out that not everyone was inherently bad.

It suddenly dawned on her that it was Vivian’s fault.

Well, not exclusively. She shared the blame with Kri.

The two had proven to Eleanor that not everyone was selfish and indifferent. Vivian had come through for her when she’d had absolutely no reason to, welcoming her into her home and sharing her family with her.

Parker was such a great kid. He was happy to have his aunt living with him, accepting her even though she had never been there for him in that capacity before.

And as for Kri, she had befriended Eleanor despite what everyone thought of her, and even helped her get a phone.

What that meant was that Greggory might surprise her as well, but the fear of getting that hope smashed was paralyzing. As long as she didn’t call and confront him, that hope could remain alive.

Except, living with the uncertainty was driving her insane. She had to know. If he didn’t want anything to do with her, she might take Kri’s advice and start hanging out in the café. Perhaps someone else would be willing to take a chance on her.

Right. There might be plenty of takers for hookups, but nothing more than that. Besides, she didn’t want anyone else in her bed. Hell, just thinking about hooking up with anyone other than Greggory made her feel dirty.

It was stupid. They were not in a committed relationship or any kind of relationship for that matter. She was free to sleep with whomever she wanted.

Angry at herself and at Greggory, Eleanor forced her finger the rest of the way and touched the green circle.

The phone rang twice before Greggory answered in his familiar baritone. “Who is it?”

“It’s Eleanor.”

He sucked in a breath. “Eleanor. I thought that they didn’t allow you to make calls.”

“They didn’t. Well, they still don’t. I can only call people within the village or you.” She gripped the phone tighter. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I don’t know anyone in the village.”

What a convenient excuse.

“Your boss does. You could have asked him.”

There was a long moment of silence. “I’m just a simple soldier, Eleanor. I’m not close to Kalugal, and after my blunder with you, I walk on eggshells around him.”

His excuses were pissing her off. “What about his second-in-command? He could have asked for you. If you don’t want to talk to me, just say so. Don’t make up excuses.”

Greggory sighed. “I miss you, and I want to talk to you. But even if Rufsur could have arranged for us to talk, it would have been monitored for security reasons. I don’t want to talk to my girlfriend with Guardians hearing every word.”

He thought of her as his girlfriend? Eleanor’s mood improved in an instant.

“You are right, and the call is being monitored, but I’d rather talk to you with them listening in than not talk with you at all. There are plenty of things we can talk about that are okay to share in