In the Dark with the Duke by Christi Caldwell Page 0,124
it. She had to own that her past and Hugh’s had been linked that day . . . even as she’d not realized it until now. “It doesn’t matter that he was at Peterloo. It matters who he is now, and who he’s shown himself to be—”
“A man who withheld the truth of his involvement that day in Manchester,” Henry quietly interrupted, bringing her up short.
Peterloo would always be there. That truth. That day.
But it would matter more if Hugh was not in her life now.
“These past years, Henry, have not been easy. We’ve known suffering and sorrow and strife.” Her eyes went to the jacket Hugh had rushed off and left. Drawn to that small link to him, Lila walked over and rescued it from the ground. The sandalwood scent that clung to it wafted about. “What I’ve learned, however, is that even with that sadness, we really don’t know what it was to be born without influence. We don’t know what it is to have no options. And so I’ll not judge Hugh for the decisions he made. And it would be wrong for you to pass judgment when you know him not at all.”
Footfalls sounded from the back of the garden, and they looked as one. Lila’s sister came stumbling through the entryway. “What is going on?” she asked. “I passed His Grace, leaving.”
A vise squeezed Lila’s heart. Why hadn’t she said something? Why had she allowed him to leave? “He didn’t . . .”
Sylvia seemed to just then note their brother. “Henry!” She gripped the front of her dress. “Is Clara . . . ?”
“The babe and Clara are both fine.”
Confusion in her eyes, her sister looked between Lila and Henry. “What is going on?”
And just then, all the piles of books she and Hugh had been working on lay damningly between Lila and her sister.
“Tell her, Lila,” Henry said gravely.
“What is it?” Sylvia demanded when neither sibling rushed to speak.
“I plan to build an establishment where women and men learn to fight,” Lila blurted, and with that admission came a lightness in her chest.
Sylvia’s mouth parted. Her lips moved several times, as if she were attempting to make words.
“I intend to do it, and I understand if you disapprove. I understand even that my decision will likely bring you pain, but I know this needs to be done. I was a woman once trapped, caught, and clung to by men bigger and stronger.”
Tears filled Sylvia’s eyes.
Was it the remembrance Lila shared, or the decision Lila had committed herself to? “And I believe fighting doesn’t have to be used to hurt, but rather as a means for one to protect oneself.”
A pressure eased in acknowledging that which she intended. There wasn’t shame to be found in her dream. And at last, owning it, as Hugh had urged, made it . . . real . . . and right.
“I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed both of you,” Lila said softly. “But I need to do this . . . for me.” Lila gathered up her and Hugh’s work from these past weeks. “If you’ll excuse me? I’ll see my things are packed.”
With that, she left her brother and sister staring after her.
Lila continued forward and didn’t stop until she reached the confines of the guest chambers she’d used these past three months. She set her books down and headed for the painted pine armoire. Drawing open the double panels, she fished out her valise from the bottom. She’d been shuffled from household to household—her brother’s residence to her sister’s. And as a spinster on the shelf, not very many years from thirty, she wanted more than a life with either her brother or sister.
For too long, she’d been so very consumed in hiding that she’d not imagined any kind of existence for herself.
Now, she saw that she wanted not just the business she’d dreamed of but a family, too. She wanted Hugh.
Dropping to a knee, Lila tenderly packed each notebook into the bottom of the valise. When she had the last one in hand, the last he’d worked on and hadn’t yet shown her, she paused. Settling onto the floor, Lila opened the small volume and flipped through the pages. She read each word in Hugh’s sturdy scrawl until her neck ached and the afternoon sun gave way to darkness. She reached the end of the book. A small folded square fluttered onto her lap.
Puzzling her brow, Lila picked up the paper. Unfolding it, she began to read.