In the Dark with the Duke by Christi Caldwell Page 0,112
came at you recently.” The day they’d made love. It was a lifetime ago since they’d been in one another’s arms . . . and how she missed it. “I judged you”—and worse—“I called you out about your commitment to your partners. Some people”—nay—“most people aren’t afforded the luxury to risk cutting ties.” Particularly after the time that had gone into the investment he currently oversaw. “I understand that now.”
He set his pencil down and looped his arms about his knees. “You weren’t wrong, Lila. I was setting aside principle for profit.”
“But your reasons for doing so? They cannot be separated from the decisions that you make.” Abandoning her spot, Lila scooted over. “What now?”
He didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “Now that I’m a duke of enormous wealth?”
She nodded.
He flashed a sad little smile, one that tugged at every strand of her heart and made her want to draw him into her arms. “You’ve been right about so much. I . . . deliberately made myself ignore how my partners have treated me. And you’ve shown me that I’m more than the debt I owe them.” His gaze slid past her. “The thing about having one’s fortune change overnight, Lila, is that one doesn’t truly change. I have a fine townhouse and endless acres and wealth. Obscene amounts of it, and yet in my mind, I’m still the boy locked in his cell. I’m still the child on the corner with his hand out.” His gaze grew distant. “I suspect I might always be that boy.”
“What of your work?”
“I’m done with the arena,” he said automatically. “My days of that are over.”
He deserved that. He deserved that choice and freedom of decision. And so much more. So why, selfishly, could she only focus on where he would go . . . ?
“And . . . your partners?”
“I’ll still help them.”
“Help them find those responsible for wronging you?” she ventured.
He nodded. “Justice is long overdue.”
And mayhap it was because she’d come to know this man so well that she could detect the nuances of his speech, the subtle undercurrents of regret and . . . sadness.
She drew closer to him. “You disapprove?”
“I shouldn’t.” He turned a hand up. “All the people involved, they deserved . . . deserve comeuppance. Every last one of them should be made to pay penance.”
“Are you saying what you believe you should feel?” she asked cautiously. “Or what you think you are expected to feel?”
Hugh exploded to his feet. “I don’t know of anything anymore, Lila. I’m not sure I ever did.” He began pacing at a frantic back-and-forth clip before her. He lowered his voice so that, even close as they were, she struggled to hear him. “When I left . . . I sold my soul. I killed a man in the name of freedom.”
She went motionless.
He cast a hard look her way. “That’s the manner of man that I am,” he said almost imploringly, as if he desperately needed her to believe in his evil. As if he sought to convince her of it.
“That’s how I secured my freedom. The lengths that I went to.” His jaw hardened and ice formed in his eyes. “The manner of lengths they expected us to go to.” All the fight seemed to seep from his frame as he sank back onto the floor beside her. Hugh gave his head a bemused shake. “I should want their blood on my hands. I should want it with the same ferocity as my partners, the men who took me in. And yet . . .”
“You don’t,” she finished for him.
“I don’t.” His cheeks flushed red, and he dragged an angry hand through his black curls. “What does that say about me?”
And Lila fell in love with him all over again. For not being the man bent on revenge, and for wanting justice, but justice fairly dealt. There was no other man like him. She considered her words for several moments, and then edged closer to him. “Do you know what I believe that says about you, Hugh?”
Hugh gave a small, brusque nod.
“It tells me you’re a complex man with many layers to you. You’re not some caricature of what society believes a man should be.” All-tough, all-knowing, bloodthirsty savages out for revenge against those who’d wronged them. “It says you’re a man who is honorable.”
Hugh scoffed. “It says that I’m weak. Any person would want revenge.”
She covered his hand with hers. “There’s greater strength in finding ways within the legal