Gazing up at him, I struggled to fight back more tears.
He took my hand. “I’m really sorry about your mother.”
I looked away. “Thanks.”
“After the service, will you give me a moment, please?”
Tears dripped down my cheeks. I must have looked a wreck as I glanced up at him. Drowning in his eyes, I surrendered with a nod before returning to my seat.
During the service, people spoke of my mother’s kindness and how she’d helped the local kids with their reading and writing. My heart expanded, knowing that her life hadn’t been a complete waste.
There was no end to my tears, and I sagged, weighed down by a heavy heart.
After the service, I witnessed Blake handing Jimmy a check. I took a deep breath and joined them.
“Hey, man, this is unnecessary. Penny’s one of us. I mean, she’s the good one.” He turned and, acknowledging my presence, nodded. “Hey, I’m sorry about Sandy. She was a good woman.”
“Thanks for coming, Jimmy.” I nodded to the other guys, who’d gathered around him. The dealers. The so-called bad guys.
“Hey, we didn’t supply her. Ever. You know that, don’t you? She was like our mom.”
“Yeah. I know, Jimmy.” I looked down at the check in his hand. “Take it. He can afford it.”
“But fuck. One hundred thousand? Shit.” His face contorted in shock.
I almost smiled.
“Go somewhere. Start afresh. Stop dealing,” I said.
He looked at Blake. “I can’t take this, man.”
“Please.” He nodded. “It’s yours. The other guy…”
“Brent,” I corrected. “That’s Lilly’s brother.”
“I gave him a check too. Take it.” Blake tapped Jimmy on the arm. It was a strange pairing, and my heart went out to Blake. He seemed so soft. I wanted to fall into his arms and kiss him.
“Penelope.” He looked deep into my eyes. “Can you please give me a moment alone?”
I followed him behind the hall. Over the road, at my old playground, I saw kids kicking a soccer ball around, full of energy and laughing like any child. I wondered if their moms or dads were junkies or alcoholics or sad, weak creatures that society had forgotten about.
“Blake, that was incredibly generous of you.”
“It’s small change. I would’ve given everything to save you. I’d go poor tomorrow if need be.”
“You’d lose everything for me?” I asked.
“I might be about to.”
My face pinched. “You can’t give into blackmail on my behalf.”
His face lit up slightly. “You believe that those photos were doctored?”
“How did they get that image of you on your side?”
“One of the women I was with must have taken it.” He cleared his throat. “Before I met you, I used to hire professionals for my needs.” He paused, looking contrite. “You know my views on relationships and …”
“Then what was I?” I interrupted, refusing to overanalyze the fact he’d used prostitutes for sex. Would I prefer a bevy of bitter exes following us around?
“You were—I mean you are…” He took a deep breath.
For someone normally eloquent, Blake couldn’t articulate his feelings. Just as I was about to push for more, Sheldon and Lilly found us.
“Hey,” I said. “I’m coming.”
“Take your time,” said Lilly, acknowledging Blake. “We just thought we’d head over to the Lion for a few drinks.”
I nodded and looked over at Sheldon. “Are you going too?”
“Yeah. Of course.” He whispered, “With all those butch bad boys, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Sheldon’s cheekiness made me giggle, and boy, did I need some light relief. I kissed him. “Thanks.”
“For what, sweetie?”
“For making me laugh.”
He hugged me. “We’ll see you there.” He pointed at our local pub, a sticky-carpeted run-down place that was older than the estate. If the walls could talk, they’d reveal enough book-worthy material to fill crime shelves.
“Sure. Won’t be long.” I smiled. My spirit inflated. I had my friends and a history. Clean or dirty, it didn’t matter. I’d finally unshackled myself from shame.
Studying his cell, Blake remained a few steps away.
I joined him. “You were saying?”
“Can we do this somewhere else?” he asked, shifting his weight.
“No. It’s either here or nowhere. You need to get used to who I am. I am this.” I pointed to the gray concrete surrounds.
“You’re a sophisticated, creative, and beautiful woman.”
“That’s what you want me to be. But scratch the surface, and these people are the only people I’ve ever known. Except for Sheldon, that is.”
“Penelope, even if you remained here at the estate, I’d still love you.” He stopped at that word. I think he surprised himself because he looked down at his feet and