Dark Demon Page 0,124

it was again. That heartbreaking note of desperation, of strain, in her voice. She was gamely smiling at him, but her eyes were dark with sorrow. Vikirnoff waded over to her, his gaze locked with hers. All the teasing in the world wouldn't fix it. All the love in the world wouldn't take it away. All he could do was pull her into the shelter of his body, as close to his heart as possible. And tell her the real truth. She would see him for what he was. It was a risk he hesitated to take. Their relationship was so very fragile and he always seemed to make the wrong decision.

He was aware of his blood moving through his body, carrying his shame. "I do not know that Razvan willingly chose to embrace evil, Natalya."

"I don't understand what you mean. He has to be vampire. Or at least in league with the vampires. How could that not be choosing to embrace evil?"

He heard his heart thundering in his ears, trying to drown out the sound of his voice confessing. Voicing aloud what he didn't want known. What he didn't admit to himself. He rubbed his face against hers, his fingers tangling in her wet hair.

Natalya held her breath, sensing how vulnerable Vikirnoff was at that moment, sensing the cost to his pride. "Tell me."

"Before I met you. Long before I met you, I hunted the vampire everywhere I went. I was good at it, Natalya, because life no longer mattered to me. Not my life and not that of any other. I realized I was becoming the very thing I hunted so I sought my brother, hoping his close proximity would alleviate the growing darkness."

Natalya pressed closer, circling his neck with her arms, wanting to give him strength as he'd done for her. "Go on, Vikirnoff." She felt his reluctance and knew he was giving her something of himself, something that cost him dearly.

Vikirnoff drew in a tortured breath. "It helped for a few years and then the emptiness was a weight pressing heavier than ever. I backed off making the kills, allowing Nicolae to destroy the vampires after we found them. I even spent most of my time in another form."

"All good things to keep yourself going." She caught glimpses of a stark, bleak existence in his mind, but it was nearly impossible to understand without merging with him and he was holding himself away from her.

Vikirnoff closed his eyes. "You are not understanding what I am saying to you, Natalya. I am an ancient Carpathian. I am well-schooled in what happens to our males should they continue to live and hunt and destroy. There is a point of no return. A place in one's mind where a choice must be made."

Natalya frowned and pulled back to look at the lines etched into his face. "What choice?"

"Every moment of our existence, we are acutely aware of the gathering darkness. We know if we do not find our lifemate there is a time we must make a decision to protect our people and the populations of the world. Once that time is upon us, we cannot allow it to pass us by. If we do not choose to meet the dawn with honor, then we endanger our souls by becoming vampire."

Natalya reached up to frame his face. "But who can ever make such a choice?"

"It is our legacy, Natalya. We are given the ritual binding words to preserve our species, our lives. It is our only true safeguard. Without the light to our darkness we succumb inevitably to evil if we do not seek the dawn." His gaze shifted from her face, jumped back to meet her green eyes. "I was far, far past the point of no return. I knew the exact day of my choosing. I remember it vividly, but I did not do what was necessary to ensure the survival of the rest of my race. I chose life. I clung to life when I should have chosen the dawn."

She shook her head, her fingers stroking the strong bones of his face. "That's not true. You said we are lifemates. Doesn't that mean you were meant to survive?"

He shook his head. "I was too close. You sensed it in the forest long before you ever saw me. You could not tell if I was hunter or vampire. I could not tell either." He refused to flinch away from the raw truth. "I do not know if