Dark Curse (Darkhaven Saga #5) - Danielle Rose Page 0,6

think about how eternity on this planet once felt smothering, as if too much time were just as bad as not having enough. Now I know that was yet another lie I told myself.

Before, I would look into the future, knowing the vast, endless expanse of time before me is simply waiting for memories, and that feeling is nothing like knowing I have too few days left.

I hide my condition from the vampires. Not because I am afraid they will be angry at my lies or because I am ashamed of the link formed between the witches and me, but because there is no way to explain how it feels to know you should have your whole life ahead of you while waiting for your internal fire to be extinguished by forces utterly out of your control.

I pick at my cuticle, pulling the skin until I bleed. I wince as a surge of pain rushes over me.

When my mother cursed me by linking our souls, she damned my emotions and muted my senses. But my ability to feel pain and fear has never been so sharp.

I dab my tongue against my fingernail, letting the blood drip into my mouth. When it stops bleeding, I pull down the sleeves of my sweater and slide my thumb through the makeshift holes I cut near the bottom hem.

I started altering my tops by cutting thumb-holes into my long-sleeve T-shirts and sweaters after I thoughtlessly pushed up my sleeves one afternoon while researching my condition with Holland. Luckily, he was invested in the book he was reading and did not notice the veins that have threaded their way through my entire body.

My skin is coated with them now. They are scattered along every curve like tattoos, and they feel just as permanent.

Holland never knew he was one blink away from realizing how desperate my situation has become. And just like with Jasik, I do not want him to know. I am dooming myself to mourn my life in silence, accepting my fate as one of the few things I chose.

Terrified Holland might find out the truth because I carelessly pushed up my sleeves, I cut up my clothes, ensuring to never again make that mistake.

Chapter Two

I stare at him just over the top of the leather-bound book I have been thumbing through for the last hour—to no avail. Lately, I do not have the luxury of reading for pleasure. Instead, I am doomed to skim these musty pages until something sticks out as a feasible option.

Streams of words formed by some archaic language no one speaks anymore loop endlessly in my mind, and I wonder if I have been wrong all this time. Maybe this—the inability to comprehend my terminal fate—is hell.

In these moments, when the darkness is heavy on my heart, and it is so loud, doubt becomes all I can hear, I like to believe that death offers peace life can never grant me. That thought crosses my mind now, and something settles over me. It feels…weighty and formidable, embracing me until I submit to it.

I shake away those dark thoughts, that ominous feeling. Every day, I struggle to remain hopeful and optimistic that Holland is both smart enough and strong enough to fix me. I am constantly combating my desire to accept my fate and my need to fight it.

In these times of severe doubt, when I just want to give up and enjoy what little time I have left, I forget who I am. I must never forget that I am a fighter. I am a warrior. I am strong enough to withstand any fate, even one brought on by my doing. Sometimes, I bring myself back to reality, but other times, my words are not enough to keep me sane, happy. It is a daily struggle, a constant teeter of emotional whiplash. And I am getting tired of it.

I watch as Holland makes his way through piles of research books long before I finish even one. I wonder if he knows he is trying harder than me. Can he tell I am slowly losing hope? Is it obvious to everyone in this house?

Holland scrunches his face at something he is reading, and I squint, trying to see him more clearly. Ever since I cast the spell, damning my body to live out a mortal life, my vision has worsened. Not only do I not have heightened senses, but I barely have basic vision at this point.

I do not understand