Daring Devlin (Lost Boys #1) - Jessica Lemmon Page 0,78

baby.”

I shivered. My knees turned to jelly. His touch was oh-so welcome.

“I know you’re mad,” he breathed into my ear. “And I know I deserve it. But you have to know, deep in your gut”—his hand splayed across my torso just under my breasts—“that I only pushed you away to keep you safe. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

“Yeah, and how would I know that? It’s not like you told me.”

A deep sigh came from behind me, his chilly cheek resting on mine. “I know. That shit’s hard for me. I think Cade’s right and I am a chickenshit, after all.” Another sigh. His arm squeezed me gently. “I left Sonny, the business, because I imagined a life with you I’ve never imagined with anyone. Oak & Sage belonged to my parents. Their life wasn’t all bad. They had good times.”

I felt him smile against my cheek and though I shouldn’t, couldn’t help from lifting my hand and placing it over his. He gave me another soft squeeze and continued talking in that same rough, low tone.

“You made me want a different life. You made me crave a different life. I never thought I deserved better than I had. I counted myself lucky. Turned out I didn’t know what lucky was until you stood outside that elevator at the hospital and told me you loved me. Every day since I have thought of that moment. Of what it took for you to be that brave. Of how strong you were. Of how wrong I was. I had no right to pull you into my shit. The thought of dragging you down with me, of you hating me someday was too much to bear.”

Tears stung the corners of my eyes. I blinked at our reflections in the glass, Devlin bent over me, his arms around me. His lips on my cheek. We looked damn good together. Still.

I’d sewn my heart, my chest, back together when he’d left, but I’d done a piss-poor job. The threads were snapping the longer I stood in his arms.

“But this… not having you. That’s even worse.” His voice cracked.

I shut my eyes, understanding that the sadness I saw swimming in his eyes, the mask of anger and the way he pushed me away, was for me.

“You want a future and I want to give you one,” he said, and another seam snapped on my heart. “I know you don’t need me, but is it possible for you to still… want me?”

There was so much doubt in his voice I turned to face him. What I saw in his seeking gaze floored me. I hoped I could trust what I thought I saw.

“That depends,” I said, not trusting my voice, either.

Devlin’s eyebrows bent, worry crowding out the sadness in his eyes. “On?”

I put my hand over his on the tie of my robe. “On what you mean by a future.”

The very corner of his lips tipped and he blew out a soft breath. “Fuck, I knew I’d screw this up.”

“You haven’t.” I touched his face gently. “Not yet.”

He had a hard time sharing. A hard time admitting his weaknesses. And why shouldn’t he? After being left behind by everyone. His mom ran off, only to return with a half brother she never told Devlin about. His father checked out and left Devlin an orphan. Paul hadn’t exactly been a stellar role model lately, either.

“I, uh—” A self-effacing grin sent his gaze flitting around the room. “Wow. How’d you say it? How’d you do that when you weren’t sure what I’d say back?”

He meant the I love you. I brushed his hair away from his eyes. My voice was barely a whisper. “Because it was true. And life’s too short to hold back how you feel. No matter the consequences.”

He’d had his eyes on me since I started talking. “I’ve never been in love before.” He cleared his throat, his arms going stiff in his cold leather jacket. “Not until I fell in love with you. I wasn’t sure I could trust it. Couldn’t even pay you a compliment, for Christ’s sake. I’m not sure why you love me at all, and half of me thinks this is a really bad idea since you deserve a hell of a lot better.”

I palmed his cheek and couldn’t help smiling.

His smile was crooked. “I love you, Rena. Being away from you is like having my soul torn out. I have my life back from Sonny but without you this