seemed able to read my mind. “I remember his laugh, his smell. He was such a good dad, and she robbed me of him. I’d forgotten all the times we’d shared together until now.”
“After that day, it’s like something switched off in my head, and I couldn’t allow myself to remember anything about him. She kept the rest of my family away from me. I remember my grandmother, an argument they had, but I can’t be sure if that was before or after….”
“Anyway, my grandma wanted me, she was going to fight for me, but then I was on a plane being sent to the other side of the world, and I never saw anyone again. I had aunts and uncles, I think, but I was too young to remember all of them or who was real and who was just a figment of my imagination. Dad had a lot of friends.”
I fell silent as I got lost in memory, and he let me. It was all-raw and new to me as the memories came flooding back in. I could feel my dad’s love as of it were somehow new, and the pain of losing him was raw and real as if I were reliving it all over again. I didn’t even realize that I was crying until I felt Calen’s loving arms around me and heard his whispered reassurances in my ear.
“I’m such a coward. He loved me so much, and I did nothing to preserve his memory. Even now that I know what she’s done, I’m afraid of what it would mean to you and your family if this all gets out. I don’t want you to be hurt by this.”
“Don’t be silly, and it’s not ‘my’ family, it’s yours too, it’s ours. Whatever we have to face, we’ll face it together. Now wipe your tears; we’re here.”
We pulled through the gates of a massive estate that looked vaguely familiar. As we drove down the long winding driveway, scenes, and sounds started coming back to me, and once again, I became choked up with emotion. There was a group of people standing out front, but it was the older woman in the wheelchair that drew my eye most of all. “Grand-nana,” The word was a reverent whisper when it left my lips.
I waited for Calen to help me out of the car, and then we were surrounded. As each person told me their name and reached for my hand, some of them with tears in their eyes, my memory of them came back in bits and pieces. Though I’d been too young to remember them fully, it was enough to know that they had been a part of my life back then.
I stopped in front of my dad’s mom, not quite knowing what to say, but when she opened her arms, I just fell into them with a deluge of tears. My heart broke into a thousand pieces at the feel of her arms coming around me. I wept for her, and me, and for the man that we both once loved and who had been so heinously taken from us.
I was vaguely aware of Calen and some of the men talking in hushed whispers but was not yet ready to leave the matronly warmth of my gran’s embrace. It’s only when I heard one of them. I think it’s the one who called himself my uncle Gordon, say that it’s about time, that I tuned back into their conversation.
“How sure are you that she’s not going to run?”
“It doesn’t matter if she does; I have someone on her; she won’t get far.”
“Good, it’s almost over. I never thought I’d live to see the day.” I realized that she had hurt all of these people by what she’d done, not just me. But I’m a part of her, how could they bear…?
“No little one, whatever you’re imagining that’s putting that look on your face, gets it out of your head. You bear no blame for any of this. Your dad would’ve been so proud of the woman you’ve become. And I hear I have a great-grandson, you must bring him to meet the rest of his family; we must make up for lost time.”
I smiled through tears at Calen, who watched the two of us while listening to the men who were giving their opinions on what should be done to Ann.
Calen
It’s been a hell of a week. I laid in bed wide awake in the deep dark