to society, slowly, of course. Only fifty or so friends and neighbors would be in attendance, Jules had explained only last week. Here, now, with so many people staring openly at me, fifty seemed like a monstrous number.
“You look lovely, dear,” Lilly whispered beside me, as if she sensed my nerves and sought to put me at ease. She was all genteel kindness that way. Always so observant of other people’s feelings. “And you’re standing up quite well.”
Wearing a satin red gown much like the one Gabe had given me, I supposed I did look pretty. This time my hair had been swept up into delicate coils and braids, entwined with pearls. Rather intriguing that something as simple as a hair style could make the difference between a whore and a lady.
I had been tucked between Lilly and Jules all night, my very own beautiful sentries, and I dared anyone to get through them. They were brilliant at deflecting questions. They were both smart, amusing, and interesting enough to protect me from the onslaught, but they couldn’t stop guests from staring and whispering. I could practically feel the gossip travel the ballroom.
Where has she been?
Odd, that she’s been away so long.
Not a word about her in all these years.
A demure smile in place, I answered what questions did get through with simple one-word answers, and sipped my mulled wine. I wasn’t quite sure if they thought of me as shy or arrogant. Jules told me I had no need to impress anyone. However, I knew James was determined to make a social success. He didn’t want me to suffer. He wanted me to thrive. He wanted me to have the life that had been taken from me at such a young age. I suppose, as the oldest, he felt some sort of responsibility.
But I wasn’t sure I wanted this life.
I wasn’t sure what life I did want. All I knew was that I hadn’t ever had a choice; I hadn’t really ever been able to decide my own course. My life had forever been dictated by men. Even Oliver had decided my fate those many years ago, although he’d been but a boy. Unwillingly, I searched him out, finding him near a set of windows, all alone. People seemed to avoid him.
Too blunt, James had explained months ago.
Misunderstood, Jules had corrected.
I wasn’t sure what to think about my youngest brother. All I knew was that he had destroyed any chance I’d had at a privileged, comfortable life. Not that I blamed him. He’d only been a child. But why? Why had he sent me away? Didn’t I deserve an answer? After admitting he’d been the one to send me away, he’d left the house. I hadn’t seen him until he’d entered the ballroom, dressed handsomely in his evening clothes.
I followed his line of vision. Lady Alice stood on the other side of the ballroom, speaking to Violet, and Julianna’s friend, Cecilia. Alice had promoted Violet to her Lady’s Maid, and fortunately, had brought her here tonight. I glanced back at Oliver. It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed him watching Lady Alice. It made me wonder if my brother wasn’t quite indifferent to everyone.
“I knew you’d do smashingly well, Sweetheart,” Rafe said, drawing my attention to him.
Out of all of my brothers, he was certainly the one who was the easiest to get along with. James liked to control things, fix problems. William was a stoic protector. Oliver a mystery. But Rafe was your average charming rake. Or so he seemed.
“Well done, my dear.” He gave me a flute of champagne, handing my empty glass of mulled wine to a passing servant. “You’re officially a success.”
I took a sip, the champagne dancing across my tongue. It tasted like wealth. “Am I?”
“Absolutely. Of course, our elder residents remember you as a child, which does help stem the flow of gossip. As for the younger crowd…well, you’re a mystery. A woman who spent most her life in school abroad, returned as a beautiful enigma.”
I rolled my eyes. “Hardly beautiful.”
“That’s the rub, my dear. You could be Quasimodo himself, but in expensive satins, with an air of intrigue, you would suddenly be the most stunning person in all of England.”
“And when I’m no longer an enigma?”
He shrugged. “Well, then the cloak of mystery falls away, and they see you for the monster you truly are.”
“Rafe,” Jules warned. “Too far. Never discuss a woman’s looks, even in jest.”