“We decided to wait another year to launch you into society,” William said, taking Jamie’s place. He was a war hero, and the scar on his face made him look fierce, and handsome, and romantic. “We’ll say you were on the continent.”
“That your husband died,” Rafe added.
William nodded. “And you—”
“Stop!”
They both looked at me in surprise.
“I want…I want to have a Christmas Ball. Here. This year.”
They shared a wary glance. Oliver continued to sip his drink as he stared into the fire. Apparently, he had no opinion or interest in the matter. No opinion or interest in me. I’d thought Jamie, William and Rafe’s attention to be annoying, but Oliver’s indifference actually hurt.
“Are you sure?” Rafe asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I’m sure.”
I wanted it over and done with. I could take no more discussion or planning on my behalf. Apparently, they felt the same way, for I could see relief cross their handsome features. Although I was nervous at the prospect of socializing, I was also happy that I’d gained their approval. Blast, if I wasn’t still the same little girl trying to get attention from her brothers.
William pushed away from the hearth. “I will inform Lilly and Jules.”
Rafe stood, following him. “And I will inform James.”
They were gone, leaving me alone with Oliver. I hadn’t been alone with him since he’d saved me at Miss Lamier’s over a year ago. The room fell silent. The air sizzled with tension. Things were awkward between us, and I had no idea why.
“Do you approve?” I asked, searching for something to say. “Should we have a ball?”
He shrugged, staring into his drink. “As you said, you are a grown woman and should decide your own fate.”
His comment was exactly what I wished to hear. Yet, I hesitated. Why did I want more from him? Perhaps because he offered so little. “Thank you.”
He still didn’t look at me, didn’t bother to respond. What was wrong with him? That day he’d saved me and Izzy, we’d spoken the entire carriage ride home. He’d told me everything that I’d missed these many years, answered all of my questions. But that was over a year ago. Since then, I’d barely seen him.
Frustrated and disappointed, I turned to leave.
“It was me,” he said.
I paused, sure I’d misheard him. “I’m sorry?”
Finally, he looked up from his glass, his gaze steady and determined. “It was me. I was the one who sent you away.”
“You…what?”
“I sent you away with Helen.”
Shock held me immobile. I shook my head. “You were only a child. You couldn’t possibly have planned all that.”
“I stole money, I gave it to Helen, who worked here. I told her to take you far, far away. I thought I was protecting you.” He rubbed his temple wearily. “There were horrible things that went on here. Terrible—”
“Yes, I know. I remember, our father was an angry and violent man.” I paced the room, feeling confused and exhausted by it all. “But…why me? If I remember correctly, he barely touched me, barely even looked at me. James and Rafe received the worst of it.”
He hesitated a moment. “There were other things.”
I stepped closer to him, waiting. “Yes?”
He shook his head and went back to staring into his drink. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just know that I did it. It was my fault.”
“My lady.”
Startled, I spun around. The nanny stood in the doorway with Izzy in her arms. The dear woman looked exhausted. “She won’t stop crying, and you said to get you if she wept.”
“Yes, of course.” I started toward the door. Even a year later, Izzy wasn’t used to having a nanny and a room of her own, and I wouldn’t force one on her. “You did right.”
“Mama!” Izzy cried out, reaching for me. Her face was flushed from tears, her eyes a brilliant green. “Mama!”
I took her in my arms, holding her warm body close. She smelled of powder and baby sweetness. “You may go. I’ll put her to bed.”
The nanny curtsied gratefully, then headed back upstairs. I knew I spoiled Izzy, but I just couldn’t help it.
“We will speak later,” I said, the same thing James had said to me only moments ago.
Oliver nodded absently.
I glanced back only once as I left the room. Oliver stared moodily into the fire. What wasn’t he telling me? Because I knew, without doubt, he had secrets. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to uncover them.
****
Gabriel
“She was seen with a man. A gentleman from the looks, near