Dancing with Molly - Lena Horowitz Page 0,70
busy too, because I barely hear from him and when I do it’s like one line about something he did that day or where he’s going next. They’re all free. They’re all out there having lives. No one cares that my life is over. No one cares about me.
I got so bored today that I tried to play my clarinet, but I couldn’t get into it. I put it back in the case, and shoved it into the back of my closet. For the last three hours, I’ve been lying here, staring at the ceiling. It’s like I can’t get into anything. Not playing, not reading, not even Candy Crush. Nothing’s fun anymore. Even writing this is making me bored. It’s five o’clock and sunny as anything outside. I can hear kids playing down the street, shrieking and laughing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sad.
Friday, July 25
I miss my friends. I miss school. I can’t even believe it’s summer. Somewhere out there people are swimming. They’re at the beach, they’re having barbecues, they’re going to concerts. I miss having something to do other than listen to fucking Soul Patch and hear my parents sigh. I don’t think I can do this much longer. I really don’t.
Saturday, July 26
Okay, this has been the weirdest day. I don’t even know where to start. But my parents let me out of the house. Alone. I know. I couldn’t even believe it. It was mostly my father, really. He took pity on me. He said he couldn’t take my sad face anymore. And I guess he can tell I’m not some crazed addict, since I haven’t had a hit of molly in over two weeks and I haven’t started seizing or tried to kill anyone for drug money. Anyway, Jess called and asked him if I could come over, and he said yes. Later she told me she actually dropped the phone.
So, okay. Before I left, he told me I was to go straight to Jess’s and come straight home and that, of course, I wasn’t to touch drugs or alcohol. He said he was trusting me. And then he gave me the car keys.
Woo-hoo! I’d never been so excited in my whole life. I swear, driving over to Jess’s, everything looked different. It was all brighter and sharper somehow. I felt like I’d just come out of a coma or something.
Anyway, the first thing Jess did after hugging me for like five minutes was tell me that Kelly’s friend Jasmine was having a party. Her parents were out of town and she had a pool with a swirly slide and everything, and I was like, I’m in. She only lives five minutes away and swimming seemed like an awesome idea. I’d worn a bathing suit under my clothes so we could lie out in the backyard, so I was good to go.
When we got there, it was totally clear that half the people at the party were rolling. People were making out in the pool or chasing one another around the yard with these huge bubble wands, popping monster bubbles with their tongues. One guy on a lounge chair was rubbing lotion onto a girl’s back and looked like he was in heaven. Everyone was having so much fun, but I felt this odd prickle in the back of my throat. I mean, I knew it was safe and that if I popped some molly I’d have an awesome time—a time that might even make up for my last two-plus weeks of incarceration—but I’d promised my dad. He was trusting me. Maybe we shouldn’t have left Jess’s house after all.
Kelly spotted us from across the pool and came running over. She gave Jess a big, fat kiss and then threw her arms around me yelling that she thought she’d never see me again. Then she dragged us both into the plush basement and over to the bar, where a guy with spiky green hair was cutting molly.
You guys are in, right? Say you’re in! Kelly cheered.
There was a mirror over the bar and I caught a glimpse of two old people on the couch behind us. I flinched around. They weren’t crazy, grandparent old, but they were at least my parents’ age. And they were sitting on the couch in bathing suits, sliding their hands up and down each other’s bare legs and arms, their eyes wide and unfocused like they were in ecstasy.
I thought you said her parents weren’t going