Dancing with Molly - Lena Horowitz Page 0,56

loud if we were rolling too much. He smiled and said, I’ve told you before: You’re my girl. I don’t need molly around to have fun.

We decided to just go out to dinner this weekend—only the two of us.

Sunday, June 29

I’m so pissed off right now. I don’t know whether to be more annoyed with myself or Carson. It’s not really his fault, I guess, but it makes me sick to my stomach to think about what happened last night.

Carson came and picked me up at seven just like he promised. He came in and saw my parents and I reminded them that I was going over to Kelly’s tonight to spend the night after Carson and I went out. I had zero intention of doing that, but Kelly said it was okay if I told them that.

So, we went to dinner. We had a great time. Just the two of us. We didn’t even drink or smoke a bowl beforehand. Carson surprised me and took me to this cool Korean barbecue place where there was a grill in the middle of the table and they bring you raw meat and all the fixings, and you cook it yourself. I had never done anything like that before, and it was really delicious. What was even better than the food was the way that Carson and I got along. I mean, we usually get along and everything, but this was something more. I felt like he was actually my boyfriend last night. He talked about heading to college near San Francisco, and actually talked about me coming up to visit.

Part of me knows that the minute he sets foot on that campus, he’s going to be accosted by at least 100,000 college girls, and I have a feeling he won’t even look back. But there’s this part of Carson that is so painfully sincere, and that was the part that was talking over dinner. I didn’t suddenly, unrealistically, hope that we’d be together forever, but Carson was so honest about his feelings that it made me feel special.

Is that lame? I don’t care. Carson talked to me about how special I am to him and had all these specific things about me that he loved and appreciated, and no, they weren’t all body parts.

This part of last night was so great that it makes me so upset and shaken up about what happened afterward. I guess it’s not unusual that Kelly left me a message and said we should come over to her house. Kyle was having a few friends over for drinks and spinning some tunes before they went to this big club downtown. It was a twenty-one-and-over club so the rest of us couldn’t get in, but we decided to go hang out with Kelly for a little bit before we went back to Carson’s place.

When we got there, Reid and Sara showed up too. We all had some drinks. Carson made me cosmos again and was hanging all over me. He had his arm draped around me the whole night. I had two cosmos and was feeling pretty blitzed when Kyle and all of his friends headed to the club. I was feeling great, so when Kelly brought out the molly, I was all about it.

Carson actually looked at me and asked, Are you sure?

I yelled, HELL YES, and he laughed. But looking back, I was a complete fool. I think Carson would’ve rather gone back to his house and spent the night just the two of us. Instead, we dropped molly.

Kelly had a shit ton of it because Kyle had just gotten a bunch, and we all snorted two points right away. This was about ten thirty p.m., and around two thirty a.m., Kelly decided that we should all do a third. This amped us back up into the stratosphere until about five a.m. We had plenty of water going, and a ton of great music. Kelly put on a whole show for us with glow sticks and some new black lights that Kyle had.

The thing I’m pissed off about is hard for me to even write down. Carson and I were making out in the hot tub as we were coming down. We’d been smoking some cigarettes out by the pool, and then got back in the hot tub, and he slid an arm around me. When I felt his biceps behind my head, I turned into him and cuddled my chin into that little space